Casualties Of War
by Cameron Baum
Summary: AU. Cameron's back in 2007, having to cope with the pain of loss, and her own growing humanity - and inevitable mortality. And a suprise message from the past changes things for John and Cameron forever...
1. Prelude

**Author's Note:** This will be following on from my story "Balance of Power." Things are turning quite AU, so please be warned.

To those who are regular readers, thanks for coming back, and sorry it took so long to get started on this story. I had to write some original fiction, and had to come up with a plot for this story. And get hold of the second Episode, so I can go and produce an accurate depiction of events, and not hat to try and do it all from memory.

To those who are new, thanks for giving me a try. I hope you end up enjoying my stuff!

**Disclaimer:** For the purposes of Legal clarification, this should be classed as a derivative work, due to it containing aspects of Fan Fiction. The original plot ideas, and original characters, are therefore my property. Those that are not belong to the respective owners.

**------------------------------------------**

**Prelude**

I rush forwards, trying to get to the source of the reactor leak in time. It was difficult to stay emotionless in front of Sarah Connor, the woman I most closely associate with the notion of mother, when she was telling me that Greenway had been replaced. I hesitated, because I didn't know what to do. How do you stop a Metal that's in charge of a nuclear power station? Any attempt to stop or eliminate the replacement would cause us be kicked out, or arrested... I know what the answer is, of course... but it's too late now.

Protect Greenway. We should have watched him overnight. We could then have prevented all of this...

Prevented another casualty of this war.

I get to the valve that's spewing out steam. If I was a human, this would be impossible. I can immediately see that it would be too hot for a human to endure, not to mention the immense strength I can calculate it will need to be closed again.

Good thing I'm not human, then.

I grip the valve casing, using my mechanical strength to swing it forward. I start to prepare for closing the valve itself. Powerful arms grip my shoulders, and pull me backwards. I allow a few steps backwards, to clear myself away from the valve. I kick my assailant from behind, my leg lifting straight up and delivering my foot over my left shoulder. The hands leave my shoulders, and hear my attacker thudding into a metal wall as I turn around quickly and efficiently. Oh. It';s the Greenway replacement. He seemed a nice man, from the little I've talked to him. He didn't deserve to die. Not like this. It's totally whack.

My body bears down on it, both hands grabbing the right shoulder. I'll get payback for Greenway's death. I swear it. Gearing up my strength, I throw the replacement, the momentum hurling it into a large diagonal pipe that's clearly built to last, because it hasn't even acknowledged a Metal slamming into it face first. I have to keep like this. Keep doing this enough times and fast enough so it doesn't have a time to react. If it has time to react, I lose the advantage.

I lunge for it, my right hand connecting with it's left shoulder, my left on it's side. I can't fail. I mustn't fail. Too many people will die if I fail. I can't let that happen. I hear a welcoming slamming noise as the replacement's head slams into the pipe again, and is thrown into a yellow metal girder support. As it falls to the ground, I am already bearing down, ready for my next-

My systems feel the jarring as the replacements foot connects with my chest. I feel the pain my organics is registering. The air blows past my ears as I'm forced backwards, and into another of the girder supports. I ignore the pain, now furious at having lost the advantage. Before I can react, it has thrown me into some red girders, and is spinning me around, and is repeatedly slamming my body into the girders. I'm taking damage. I can feel it. I'm thrown back into the yellow girders, and I'm feeling my systems start to suffer. With a sickening realisation, I know now a terrible truth.

The car bomb has made me more fragile.

I feel the momentum of being thrown a distance, grateful not to have hit the pipe in the process. My systems are badly disorientated. I start to get up as fast as I can, but the replacement is already on top of me, and is dragging me up and is slamming my back and my head into the steel piping. I can feel it slowly start to buckle and dent with the forces. My vision is distorted.

My chip. It's still badly damaged. It cannot take the level of shock. The shock assembly must be badly compromised if I'm suffering this much damage...

It's taking all I have just to stay on-line. I can't do that, though, for much longer...

As the replacement pauses and drops me to the floor, I try to prepare for the next assault. But one thing is clear.

I'm going to die.


	2. Razor

**Author's Note:** Thanks everyone for the positive response. For those who haven't read my previous two stories, and for those who have but can't remember, here's a little recap...

This is a kinda crossover with TSCC and Doctor Who. Don't be put off, I'm trying to get it so you don't need that much background info of Doctor Who to get what's going on.

Cameron went through the events of "Samson and Delilah," but at the end, she made a choice she didn't make in the series. The commands to kill John were hard-wired into her, so she deliberately damaged that section of her chip. The result was an overload, which made everyone think she was glitching. The ensuing arguement made her run away unnoticed, and she ended up with tempory amnesia. She ended up meeting an unusual character from an alternate universe, who had been exiled from it, for reasons unknown. In that universe, Terminator is fiction, so she gets to understand what is going on fairly easily.

She managed to save Cameron, when a time bubble started to form around them. However, the process badly damaged the other person's body, and send them back in time, before the Connors had jumped to 2007. However, she was saved by an infusion of alien DNA from a mysterious hand in a jar that had appeared the same time as her. It turns out that Jane was exposed to Time Lord DNA, which allowed her to survive in the TSCC universe she was in, because it was toxic to her. Cameron was affected by all of this, her body absorbing some DNA, and was altered by a healing energy field.

They discover a mysterious blue box, which they call The Cathedral of Time, because it can go anywhere and any_when_. Jane uses it to give Cameron inspiration, and leaves her back at the point just before she runs out of the church, after which she goes back in time to wait for the Connors, to help them.

Things happen as per the series, with the Serrano Mission taking place. But Cameron and Derek end up finding a wounded Jane after the bar where Sarah met Greenway, and they ended up back in time to 1888, meeting Captain Jack Harkness, a man who somehow cannot die, and was brought from another universe to help them in the fight against Skynet.

They all faced a Terminator sent to kill John's ancestor, and worse yet, a Victorian Age Skynet in the making. They succeeded, but at a high cost: Jane sacrificed herself to ensue the factory was destroyed, and the Cathedral is programmed to destroy itself when they all leave.

A lot's happened... ;)

**Razor**

**60 Hours Before**

I just stare at the central console, trying anything to get us t go back. We have to save her, we _have_ to! No matter how hard I try to get it to do _some_thing, it just ignores me, as if all controls are locked out. We can't just abandon her to that army of Terminators... we _can't_! It's not _right_! My hands catch me as I jolt forward. The engines have stopped. We... we've arrived back at two thousand and seven. And all the controls for operating the Cathedral's travel functions are shut down, stopping me from trying to get us back and save the missing member of our team.

And then it hits me: we can't go back, and we'll never see her again.

And she died alone....

I sink to the floor, curling up with my back supported by the main console's central column. I can't help but keep on thinking about her. I'd... we'd ended up sharing intimacy. I can't take this. The pain. I'm overloaded with pain, and I have just run my tenth diagnostic to find the source of the pain. And I _can't_. How can I register so much pain – agony – and not be damaged? I stare up at Derek, whose there, looking at me uncomfortably in reaction to my pleading eyes. Jack has rushed of to the console that serves as a science station, and is clearly up to something. The back of my skull registers pain as I start slamming the column behind me, the build-up of frustration just _intolerable_. No matter how much it hurts me, I still bang my head into it. Oh. That's not good. My vision just went fuzzy for a second. My chip... it's just sustained some damage. I swallow hard, as I decide what to do. I unsteadily get up, and walk towards Captain Jack Harkness. He must be feeling upset too, given that we'd all spent so much time together. My hand reaches for the chair, and I grip it hard to steady myself. I'm still in agony, but I'm now very, very scared. I don't want to die. Not like this. Not through a bad chip...

"Got it," he says, which gets Derek's attention as well as mine. I feel Derek's presence behind me as we stare at the screen. I can hear Jack swallow hard as he reads the newspaper clippings displayed. I see a picture of a large building on fire.

"She did it... she got the whole thing incinerated. They then had an investigation, because the sale of the explosion was enough to make people believe that there was illegal chemicals in there... wait. They were completely discredited, and arrest warrants for them. Seems that the authorities thought that it was a case of mass murder, because of employees, and since all records were destroyed in the explosion... "

"No-one could contradict that belief. With those arrest warrants, they'd never be able to re-start their project, either." Derek comments. A sniffle escapes me as I speak up.

"She'd said that she'd been busy at the party, working on a back-up plan. I guess this is it," I say as I feel like I'm going to tear in two. I sway slightly. My co-ordination is heavily damaged. I start running careful diagnostics. I don't get how-

Oh. my Shock Assembly has some damage. I swallow hard, realising what this means. I look back at the screen. I don't want to think about it. Derek speaks up.

"What I don't get is how she knew the mission would fail-"

"Been thinking bout that. When we were at the police station, when we were finding the first Terminator, she looked at Cameron, and she realised that something that Cameron said or something meant she was in a paradox. I guess that means that-"

"We'll meet her again. Before she goes on the mission." My words finish off what Jack was saying, and the Captain just nods at me sadly.

"My guess is that she figures out enough from our future selves to tip her off about what her future holds." Jack looks at Derek.

"Well, if she'd seen me, then she'd have reacted differently when I first appeared. So it has to be you two." With a horrific realisation, Jack's words give me clarity.

"No, it's me," I say quietly. I look at both of them, though the movement seems to have affected my visual systems again. I feel my left eyelid twitch, which I ignore.

"She had never met you before, had she?" I remind Derek. I frown as I close my eyes. "It's going to be me, because seeing her again, before she goes off to die..." Wait. I feel the pain lessen as hope fills me.

"We can warn her, give her the information she'd need to survive-" Jack suddenly is on his feet, gripping my shoulders tightly, his face very close to mine.

"You _mustn't_. I know what you're saying, and why, but you _mustn't_. You know the Lord of Time, as you put him? Well, there was this girl. Blonde, bright, cheerful, and we all ended up travelling together. We became friends. And she told me this story, of the time when she'd gone back in time with him to the day her father had died. She'd wanted to make sure that he didn't die alone. Except she messed up."

"How?" I ask. Jack's face is more serious that I've ever seen it before.

"She ended up saving him instead. Because of that, these big, inter-dimensional creatures came to wipe out all life on Earth, as a way to heal the wound in time created by her doing that." I swallow hard, and ask the question I know I won't like the answer to.

"How did it turn out?" Jack looks at me, his lips tightening.

"In the end, her father realised what had happened. That he'd meant to die. And the car that was meant to knock him down had been stuck in a loop, coming in and out of existence. The next time it reappeared, he ran out in front of it, and was fatally wounded. To save the people of the planet. And Rose held his hand until he died." I close my eyes, realising what he's saying.

"I've got to keep the whole chain of events the way they are... or else horrible things will happen." I feel tears flow down my cheeks. Derek puts a hand on my shoulder.

"You'll get through this, yo-"

On the other side of the Cathedral's control room is a golden flash of light. It sounds like electricity. Or lightning. I run to the area, wanting to be on hand if it's time displacement. Because if it's Metal coming through, I'll... I'll...

Okay, pausing. I'm gripping the central console hard, because my co-ordination is deteriorating again. I move forward again, Derek and Jack overtaking me. I stagger forward, ignoring all the red-line warnings screaming across my vision. I don't care. I'm going to protect Derek and Jack, I swear... as I reach them, I collapse to my knees. I gulp as I stare forward, knowing that I'm not able to do anything. I hate this, my chip. It's really not tight, this situation. I should be able to protect the people I care about, and I can't...

I see the light build up, and I see a human figure emerge. And then it's over. I stare at the woman in front of me, whose clearly of Far Eastern ethnicity, with black combat boots, some kind of black tactical gear, her dog tags tangling over a tear in her black shirt, revealing a nasty stomach wound. My eyes look into her face, and into those cold, efficient eyes. Definitely a soldier. But she's not been sent by John. Future John, I mean. Because she'd have no clothes if that was the case. Wait. I _know_ her...

"Jesse?" both me and Derek say at the same time. It's the only name I have for her. I caught it in passing just once when I was in the base. Maybe it's a more advanced set of equipment she used? Derek is rushing to hug and help her, Jack is looking at her carefully, frowning at my being on my knees. Jesse frowns, then pushes Derek away.

"What the frak are you playing at?" she hisses, a frown on her face. Derek's now wary, trying to work out what's going on.

"Jesse, it's me. Derek," he says. She shakes her head.

"Major Kendra Shaw. Where am I?" she says, grimacing as she looks around the place. I try to get up, but my legs aren't working. My chip's Neural Net is trying to repair itself, but it's not easy...

"The Cathedral of Time," I say simply. The Major eyes me warily, unblinking.

"Why you on your knees?" She asks, though it sounds a little like an order. I swallow hard.

"Your chip," Derek says suddenly. I just nod.

"The Shock Assembly is damaged, and must be hitting my chip. I'm sorry," I apologise. I try to get up, and I unsteadily manage it. I feel myself sway slightly. The Major's expression is one of murderous rage.

"A frakking Skinjob Toaster!" she snarls as she draws out her gun, pointing it perfectly at my forehead. My head tilts left slightly, as my confusion builds up.

"My condition has deteriorated to the point I wouldn't make good toast," I tell her as she has a look of annoyed remembrance, and she puts her gun away. "Though the damage to my visual systems might make me toast skin by mistake," I concede. I look at Derek.

"I don't want to die. Not like this. To die like this, with my chip breaking apart... that would be too totally whack," I say as a shudder goes through me. Jack has me by the arm, and is leading me to the main corridor.

"Best get you two ladies to the medical bay," he says with a finality to his voice. I lurch forward, Derek helping Major Shaw. I ignore my fear as I make the journey. Either I'm not keeping track of time and details properly any more, or I'm not paying attention, because we get to it sooner than normal. I manage to get to a bed just as my legs fail me. Have to shift my body onto the bed. One leg, then the other... focus. I can do this.

With massive effort, I get my legs onto the bed, and I shift myself onto my back. I give Jack a small, frightened smile.

"My chip's really crapped up," I say, unable to hide how scared I'm feeling. Jack gives me a reassuring smile.

"We'll fix this," he says in a reassuring way. Derek is hovering over me.

"Best thing we can do is unplug you for a while. Stop further happening," he says softly. I shake my head, panicked tears streaking from my eyes.

"No! You'd smash my chip... kill me," I say, scared. "I don't want to die," I whimper. Derek has out a large combat knife.

"I won't smash your chip. You're a pain in our asses, but you're our pain in our asses," he says. My eyes widen as a fearful reaction.

"I can't move my body," I whisper. Derek moves my head slightly, and starts cutting into my scalp.

"What you doing?" Jack says as he's helping to sort out Major Shaw. Derek peels away the scalp, exposing my chip's port access cover. He prises it open, a hissing sound greeting my ears, and I take a sharp breath of air as a reaction to the pain. My flesh is now much more integrated. Much more a part of me. I see flashing warnings that my port is open, that my chip is exposed.

"Getting to her chip. Have to cut open the scalp to expose it," Derek says simply. He pulls out a small pair of pliers.

"It'll just be like brain surgery. We'll sort this out. I promise," he says reassuringly. I look up at at him, my eyes wide with fear as the pliers are gripping the plug holding my chip.

"Please don't kill me... please..."

"I won't."

"Promise?"

"Promise," he says as he twists and pulls my chip out, making everything go black.


	3. Meadows Of Heaven

**Meadows Of Heaven**

_-But I don't understand! I don't understand how this all happens, how we go through this. I mean, I knew her, and then she's... There's just a body. And I don't understand why she can't just get back in it and not be dead any more. It's stupid. It's mortal and stupid._

_Anya Jenkins, The Body._

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I walk across the small cobbled bridge, stopping mid-way to start staring at my reflection in the gentle flowing stream below. My hair is tied up with two red ribbons, and I have my blue dress on, the one that John said made me look like I was from _Alice in Wonderland_. I look closely at the reflection. Oh. That is so whack. My face is littered with freckles. Across my nose, and along my cheekbones. Such a pretty, girl-like face is gazing back at me. I skip to the other end, where there is a party happening. The problem is that it's across the fence, and I can't climb over it. It's just wooden planks. I can do it. But my legs betray me. They are too heavy. I turn away, and walk towards the woods that are in the distance. Oh. There's a path leading to them made of yellow bricks. I decide to follow it skipping as I go along. The sun is so warm on my face, the breeze tickling my face. Oh. I don't understand... why is there an apple in the middle of the path? A big, red, juicy apple?

My knees bend as I pick up the apple, feeling the smooth, glossy texture of the skin. I bite into it, and I suddenly see so much more... the colours are just so _vivid_ now, the sounds so much sharper... my eyes look down at the apple, and - oh... it's cut in half, and I can see the core sliced up to make a star. What's that noise? I turn to my right, and I see a fawn, staring right back at me with large, black eyes. I smile at it, and offer it the apple.

"No, that gift is meant for you," it says in a child's voice. I just nod my head. This is whack. Totally whack. _So_ totally whack. A talking deer. What's next?

I look ahead, and I see this tunnel of white light. My mouth continues to chew on chunks of the apple as I walk towards it. It's pretty. The way the light swirls around... I finish the apple as I get to it. Oh. Wait... I'm being sucked in. As much as I am scared, this is so _tight_... The corners of my mouth curl upwards into a smile. This is like flying. And it's... I don't know the right word. But it's good.

I reach the end of the tunnel, and feel myself fall to the ground. I do a forward roll, my hands still clutching onto the halves of the apple, though they are crushed into a pulpy mess. Oh. One of the kids at school once said something was gross. Oh, that's whack... I'm wearing a long, flowing white dress. And I'm in a garden. I gasp as I look a little bit away. Because she's there. Looking confused and bewildered, in the same white flowing dress as I'm wearing. I run to her, arms outstretched, tears of joy down my cheeks. Jane looks at me, and smiles warmly, rushing to hug me too. We kiss on the lips, full and warm. But I don't understand... she's dead. She stayed behind to make sure that the mission to destroy the Terminator factory in eighteen eighty eight was destroyed. She did it because the detonator was damaged in the fight to get away. So what's going on?

"Hey, it's good to see you," she says, tears of joy in her eyes. She looks at me, confused. "You know, all of this... and I remember running as fast as I could to get out..." She swallows hard. "I'm dead, aren't I?"

Oh. This place. White tunnels. This would fit some descriptions of the afterlife. But that cannot be right. I don't have a soul... I just nod, realising that this might be the last time I see her. She looks sad for a moment, then smiles at me.

"The big question is... Did I do it?" her face is full of hopeful expectation. I smile at her as I cry again.

"The reports stated there was a big fire, and that there was a suspicion of illegal activities, because of the unusually powerful explosion. They all ended up wanted by the police for it." Jane just smiles.

"It's how you should do things. Brute force may be nice, but in situations like that, the Kindred Elders that I knew would attack a company, or have Health and Safety investigate, or your tax records scrutinised... You can sometimes crush enemies with the stroke of a pen more readily than with a sword or gun. And who'd argue with a centuries of vampire, right?"

I stroke her hair, wishing that this could last forever. I dunno. Maybe it will.

"What I'd love to know is why you're here. If I'm dead, what about you?" I look to the floor.

"My Shock Assembly's came loose. It's very damaged, and it caused further damage to my chip. I lost motor functions. Jack and Derek were working on it. I guess they failed." A sad frown crosses her face.

"That sucks," she says softly. She runs a finger along my cheekbone, just like she did when she was alive. When we were alive. Such a strange thought... being dead. But she's right. Jane. It sucks.

"Yes. Sucks big time," I agree. But I can't help but smile at her. "But we're together again," I point out. She smiles back, but there's this sadness. I don't understand. Why would she be sad?

"At least you had a long life," she says. I shake my head.

"It happened after the journey back. I was hitting the back of my head, because it made the pain inside go away. And it just... came loose. They unplugged me before the cascade failure destroyed my chip completely. Guess it was too late," The smile fades from my face as I gaze into hers, and see such a devastated expression. This sickly sound comes from her as she takes in air through her mouth. She's shaking. Shaking and crying.

"Then what was the bloody point of me sacrificing myself? I did it for _you_," she says. My face shows the shock I'm feeling. She sniffles, and wipes her nose with the back of her hand.

"But tactically, Jack-"

"Screw tactics!" she shrieks. "How could I think of tactics when you're in danger! How? _How_?" She looks away. "I didn't want to get close to you, to spare you the pain, and to make sure I could do this without hesitation. Now I realise that I was _meant_ to fall for you." The sound of a baby makes both our heads turn. At the far end of the garden is a middle aged woman, and a young man, holding a baby. He has such warm, dark eyes. I hear Jane gasp in shock.

"It's Mum, and _Luke_... I guess I know who that little sproglet is..." she looks at me, tearful. "Come on, let's got and say hi to them," she says, holding my hand. I nod and smile, and we both walk towards them.

Ah... I stagger back, at an explosion of pain that's just erupted in my head. And again. And again... Jane is clutching her heart, on her knees with pain, her face a painted canvass of shock. I collapse to my knees. This is agony... I feel myself falling, and falling, in this dark, lightless pit, and then I'm back in the garden. This is totally whack. What's going on? I feel myself fall, then return to the garden again. Jane... where is Jane? She's suddenly reappeared in front of me. She rushes to kiss me, and then is hurrying to her loved ones, as I see this trail of white light form behind her. Oh. There's a trail behind me, too. And it's leading back into a white tunnel. Before I can do anything else, I feel that trail grip me, and pull me back into the tunnel, dragging me backwards.

I'm falling. Falling through the tunnel of light. Away from the garden. Away from Jane. I suddenly come out of the tunnel, and land on my back in some clearing. I look around, getting the dried leaves out of my hair. I gaze up at the full moon, trying to work out what is going on. There's a stone pillar at the centre. And a tall, blonde female. I stand up, trying to understand what is going on. I walk towards the blonde. She looks at me, and smiles slightly.

"It is good to see you, Cameron Phillips. I had wondered if you'd had left for good. But you are back."

"Who are you? And why am I here?"

"I am no-one. _What_ I am is answered by what's around your neck." I look down, and realise that I'm wearing the clothes I wore the night we were seeing if Greenway was a threat. That was a long time ago for me, though... But when I get back home, it'll be like no time has passed at all. Not cool. So not cool... Around my neck is the pendant Jane made for me. She called it the Evenstar. Never knew why...

"And you are here because you needed to be. You tapped into your own magick, and I simply followed." I stare at her.

"I don't understand. I'm a- I'm a machine. I can't do magick," I tell her. She laughs lightly.

"You are more than a simple machine." She looks me dead in the eye. "I can see your potential. What you can become."

"But I'm-"

"Just a machine? And what of those who have intelligent artificial limbs? Or machines to pump blood through their systems? Are they not Cybernetic Organisms?" She walks around me.

"Your girlfriend believed in you. She saw, like I do, the potential you have. It's why she made me." The blonde points to my pendant. "If you will, I am the essence of the Evenstar. The light to guide you put into physical form." She stops, and turns, now face to face with me. She looks down at me as I look up.

"You have a destiny, Cameron Phillips, a great destiny. You and John-"

My eyes snap wide open as my back arches, my chest expanding with the sudden intake of air. I see data read-outs flash across my eyes. I lift my head and shoulders up with my elbows, looking around. I see Major Shaw, crouched on the med-bed next to me, her feet balancing her on the edge as she plays with a large combat knife as she stares at me unflinchingly. Derek is slumped in a corner, his head jerking up at the sound of my sudden movements, his red-rimmed eyes the only betrayal of his crying. Jack is nowhere in the room. Major Shaw's eyes slide across to look at Derek, the only part of her body to move.

"Told you the toaster wouldn't croak," she mutters harshly. The anger builds up inside of me, and I scan my memory for an appropriate response. Yes. What those kids at school used that time with the toilet paper and mops...

"Bite me," I respond as I stick out my middle finger at her.

The look on her face makes it worthwhile.


	4. Revelations

**Revelations**

"So the bottom line is, you're now fragile."

I receive the news in silence. I didn't want to ask, and now I have been proven right... There's no way to replace my Shock Assembly, and the repairs done to it, one day, will fail, and it'll probably shred my chip apart.

"The only reason you're hear at all is because of Major Shaw," Derek says softly. I look at her, an irrational tear coming down my cheek.

"Thanks... though I don't know if saving me was a good thing," I say quietly. I get up, and walk away from the kitchen table. I suddenly don't feel like eating any more. I just want to get out of the Cathedral. I need time to think.

Apparently, we are a few days early; we have yet to move house, have yet to see me emerge from a wrecked Jeep damaged and gone bad, have yet to escape Margos Sarkissian and his blackmail attempts, have had us escorted to him by Chola...

Could so much really happen in such a short space of time?

I walk out to the Main Control Room. I go to the science station, and duplicate enough money to have a _serious_ spending spree. Because I just want to shop and forget about it all. All that's happened to me, what I've lost... I don't know how to cope with the fact that one day, if I'm not in some accident or fight that destroyed me utterly, One day, I'll just... stop. And I don't want to think about it. I _can't_. Not yet. Just not right now. I pocket the money, and head back to the kitchen. Oh. They're already half-way to the Main Control Room anyway... _Popcorn_? I shake my head in confusion.

"There's a baseball game going to be on soon. I'd have watched it, but with the whole Sarkissian thing... not to mention it being John's birthday..." I frown in surprise.

"I hadn't known that..." I look to Jack. He smiles slightly.

"You know, the screen dome set-up makes wide-screen look primitive in comparison..." He shrugs. "Not to mention, we all need to step down, try and unwind. After what has happened..." his voice trails away. I fight back the tears.

"I'm going out. Shopping... something. I need to get out," I say. Major Shaw looks at me with cold, undisguised suspicion.

"I'm going out with you," she says simply. I just shrug. Derek gives me a small smile, and gives me a hug. I draw back, shocked and confused. I look at him, mistrustful.

"Thought you needed to know you're not alone. We're all feeling her loss," he says gently. I look away, screwing my eyes tightly shut, just so they can't see me cry. I mustn't cry. I _won't_. I turn and walk away as quickly as I can.

"I'll be back soon," I say, my voice uneven. Major Shaw is keeping up with my brisk pace. I get to the Main Control Room, and pause only for a second at the main door in and out of the Cathedral. I grip hard, and swing the door wide open.

I squint in the sunlight. When was the last time I've seen sunlight? Felt its rays on my skin. We've been inside the Cathedral for such a length of time... because of the Time Lock Jane, the one whose sacrificed herself to prevent Skynet establishing itself in the past, creating a Victorian Judgement Day. The technology we have at our disposal still works, but it's a little unpredictable. We can't be accurate with time jumps. But Skynet can't easily send anyone back, though. Tech-Com can't either, which is a good thing. The Time Displacement technology is tearing the fabric of this universe apart. I allow a single tear to flow down. She – the one I had been intimate with – sacrificed herself, so all this could continue. I look out at the street corner we are on, and smell in the pollution that's in the air, hear the noise that's rabble and random to my ears... I walk forward, basking in the simple dull, average existence that is everyday life. My hands unfurl, and move outwards from my body. Right now, I just want to feel the pain, the anguish I feel inside me, and the joy of simply being alive. I hear the footsteps that tell me that I've just been joined by Major Shaw. I hear a gasp beside me.

"What the-" I glance to my side, confused. I see Major Shaw running around the Cathedral, incomprehension on her face. I quickly close the door as she examines the blue box that makes up the exterior of the Cathedral. My face crumples into a confused frown. Shaw looks at me, shocked.

"The outside... it's smaller than the inside... _how_?" she's there, staring at me, wide-mouthed. I look at the alien ship, and realise that I've been so used to it, I no longer am all that shocked about the Cathedral and what it can do. I shrug at her, a small lopsided smile on my face.

"It's advanced. And alien. But is a second home to me now... to Jack and Derek." I turn away, and start walking. Shaw follows me.

"But-"

"In time, you'll get all the information you'll want. But right now, we need to buy you some clothes. Because a wrecked uniform might attract attention. We don't want attention."

"Okay, but tell me _this_ at least... What colony is this?" I look at her, my face showing the confusion I'm feeling.

"Picon, Aerelon, Scorpia, Caprica..." I just blink repeatedly at her, trying to work out what on Earth she's talking about. Colonies... Oh. _Colonies_...

"You're from the future. Humans go out into space, and create colonies." My head tilts sideways as I contemplate this. "But that means that something has happened to Earth, bec-"

"_Earth_?! You know where Earth _is_?" Shaw exclaims. She's gripping my shoulders hard. I fight back the urge to wince in pain.

"Yes. We're on Earth right now," I inform her simply. She gasps, and I hold her as she suddenly starts to collapse.

"Roslin was right... she was frakking _right_! I never believed her, thought it was the medication talking..." she looks at me hard. From the corner of my eyes, I can see people looking at us as they walk past. We need to go, get away from attention.

"You have to get ships out! I can't tell you where, but there-"

"We don't have ships. We have yet to have permanent space-flight technology. The Cathedral is the only ship we have, and it's going to be destroyed. Once we all leave, it'll take itself into the heart of the sun-" my voice breaks. "It's set to destroy itself so no-one side can use the technology within. It's what she had wanted," I say, my voice breaking with emotion. Shaw is shaking her head at all of this.

"But there are twelve colonies out there! Everyone _came_ from a single planet! Kobol!" I clamp my hand on her mouth, and my eyes impress upon her the need for silence. Too many people are getting interested in us. We have to move. I force Shaw to walk down the street.

"You must be from a different universe. Humans originate on Earth. They evolved here. I come from this planet." I look around, and see where we are. I keep on moving, the need for us to get new clothes a pressing need. My mind figures out a way to broach the subject to Shaw.

"How did you end up inside the Cathedral?" I ask. She takes a deep breath.

"I was on a Basestar – an enemy ship. Our mission had gone badly, and I'd stayed behind to trigger the nuke that was meant destroy the ship. I'd pressed the trigger... time just stopped. There was this stranger, and she was giving me a choice. I could die there, or live and fight for the survival of all those I care about, but never see them again. I figured that the second option sounded better." Wait... my eyes widen.

"She? Was this a stranger with a sword?" Shaw nods her head.

"Yeah... long brown hair, short, and with some strange black armour. Like nothing I've ever seen before." I can't believe what I've just heard...

"Jack was rescued from a prison cell by someone who sounds like the stranger you mentioned." Oh... That's... my mind reels at the thought I've just had "I think that she's pulling people from other universes, other dimensions and time-lines, to create... I guess it might be seen as an army of time," I say softly.

"Wait... you mean-"

"There's something bigger going on. Bigger than your Basestar mission, bigger than Skynet... something that affects the whole of creation itself." Shaw blinks repeatedly at that revelation.

"Gods..." She sizes me up. "So... what about you? What's your story? You're a machine, and you've mentioned some Skynet thing..." I swallow hard.

"This is going to be a long story."


	5. No Fate

**No Fate**

"Seventy two billion dead," I whisper. I stop looking at sunglasses, calculating the depth and extent of that fact. Major Shaw has just told me her story, after I'd started, and explained the billions dead, the horror of Skynet. The war against the Machines. The rising up of John Connor as leader of the Resistance. The eventual liberation of mankind, and the crushing of Skynet.

And the shame of my origins. I don't like that, where I came from. Because I'm not like _them_. I refuse that fact.

But Major Kendra Shaw has come from a universe where humanity evolved on a planet other than Earth, and they had to leave that planet. Twelve homeworlds were established, and eventually a united civilisation, like the United States, or the European Union, emerged.

Then came the Machines.

They'd been built to act as servants, assistants to people. But they'd rebelled, and started murder. They started a brutal, bloody war that lasted _years_. I feel my hands tremble as I think about that war. The difference between Major Shaw's Machines and the Machines from my past – or future, depending on the way you look at things – is that hers had an awareness that mine didn't have. They'd formed a society. They'd apparently developed a concept of religion. And all that wonderful accomplishment was wasted, because they'd developed a genocidal hatred of humanity. Oh. My hand is trembling.

They'd gone away, an armistice signed, but never furthered. The humans had tried, of course, but the Machines had ignored them. Had developed infiltration models, like Terminators. They'd gone in, and managed to compromise the security networks. They'd plotted and schemed, and when the time was right, they used all of their back-door security holes, and other compromises, to shut down the entire fleet. Major Shaw's ship survived because they'd just Jumped out, no co-ordinates, nothing. Not to mention they had been in dock for upgrades. So the ship's computer network was dismantled, and all the computers were isolated. And they'd yet to install the defective software.

A few others had survived, civilians, the odd fighter pilot, and other officers and personnel. The Minister for Education, forty third in line to succession, was sworn in as their President, because she was the only member of their government to survive, simply because she'd happened to be on a ship at the time of the attacks.

But seventy two billion dead... it's just... the simple thought of so many dead... it makes no sense. I know I'm programmed, and I was originally programmed to kill people, but I've destroyed those directives. If I kill, it's because I have to for survival. Metal doesn't count, though. As far as I'm concerned, they aren't alive, and will never be. Certainly the triple eights. Maybe my model series. I've not thought about it really, to be honest. All I know is that I hate the Machines. I understand Sarah, the person I see as my mother. Mom hates them all. Because of what they've taken from her, what they will take from us all. And after the loss of my girlfriend, I just want it all destroyed.

"Interesting reaction," Major Shaw says. I jump, turning to face her with the speed that my body can allow.The speed the mechanical parts of my body has made her jump. I frown at her, my vision blurred by the tears I have for the thought of all those people killed... and for what? _Why_? It just doesn't make sense.

"How can anyone react to the knowledge that in a different universe, genocide was enacted on such a scale..." I just break down into tears. My head snaps up, and my eyes open up. The anger inside me is so great, that I glitch. My eyes glow blue, betraying my origins. Shaw backs away, and I look down.

"I was created in the future. A future where the planet is completely devastated by nuclear attack. The thought of that destruction on all your core worlds... smaller colonies..." I shake my head. "everyone on this planet can't imagine it, because they've not witnessed it. But I have. I know that I'm mechanical, but I'm not like them. I don't just feel, but I have understanding of what I feel. And..." my voice falters.

"I guess what she meant when the woman who saved me said that I'd have all my beliefs tested," Shaw says quietly. I look up at her, confused.

"She told me that the fight ahead would challenge all of what I knew and believed in. That rules were changing, altering. Guess you're the start of it." She sizes me up. "Got a question, though." I look at her, wiping the tears away, sniffling as I look at her cautiously.

"What is it?"

"The increase in your chip's weight... what it about? 'Cause I've never seen anything like that before." my eyes and brow screw up as a response to my incomprehension.

"I don't-"

"You mean that you're going to claim that you don't know what's going on inside you're own body?"

"I don't know what you mean..."

"When you were unplugged to infiltrate some network, Connor had looked at your chip, to see what improvements had been made, or whatever. He'd weighed it as one of his little experiments. Derek wanted to see if the weight was the same. It's apparently nineteen grammes heavier. And no-one can figure out why." She looks me dead in the eye, the cold expression cutting straight through to my core. "Care to explain?"

Nineteen grammes... How can my chip gain that much? And how can I not know about it? I start running scan after scan, and they don't indicate anything, other than I'm quite badly damaged in some sectors. But my auto-repair is working, and I'm seeing areas rebuild.

"There's nothing unusual with my chip. Not that I can detect," I whisper. Wait... I had an experience, a lot like when I power down. What is effectively sleep for me. Dreams. I have dreams, and when I was unplugged, I had that vision... But I was off-line. So I can't have had it. Unless... I look her dead in the eye.

"When I was unplugged, I had an experience, a lot like a dream, but it had white tunnels. And a garden. And Jane, the girl I told you about, she was there as well. It was real, like a dream. But more so. But it doesn't make sense, because I wasn't connected to anything." Shaw's eyes widen, and she pulls her face close to mine.

"You're frakking with me... tell me now, because-"

"What? What is wrong with what I just said? It has to be a glitch or something. I need to be pulled, and checked-"

"It means – it _suggests_ – that it could be soul weight." She steps back from me, her eyes wide in shock. "But that's _impossible_... you're a _machine_..." I stare at her.

"What is a 'soul weight?' And what's it got to do with my chip?"

"Classic Gemenese texts speak of the soul having a weight of it's own. My guess is that it equates to about twenty one of your grammes," she replies. I feel my mouth open.

"But that's two grammes out from the extra... She'd said that her mother and her dead fiancée and her stillborn son were waiting for her... I saw them..." I take a step back.

"Yeah, but you've not explained what problem you have with me!" My head snaps to the source of the argument. Two girls. Cheerleaders. From my school. Oh... I motion to Major Shaw to keep quiet. Because one has long, black hair, and unusually green eyes. And died over a hundred years ago.

"I _don't_ have a problem with you," Jane says. But I now realise that she's used a different name, for some reason. Because of all the cheerleaders, she's the only one I've not had a proper visual identification on. She's been keeping her face from me, making sure our paths never really crossed, probably to prevent damage to the time-line. And now, I have to watch, and not tell her of what's to come, because it could destroy the result we got. I think she's been drinking.

"Well, people have said that you do. Which would explain the fact I nearly didn't make it onto the squad-"

"Someone's got a loose tongue." She turns to face the blonde. She's a new kid. I've never seen her before at school. Then again, it might just be I've never seen her before.

"So... why did you try to stop me from being on the squad? You know I was-"

"I didn't stop you from being on the team." She looks at the blonde, and I can tell that she's deeply angry, and deeply hurt. Why? Oh. That would be a good reason why. And the blonde is treading onto dangerous ground...

"Yeah right! For some reason, you have decided to hate me, and I can't-"

"I don't hate you! I argued for you! I told everyone we should pick you!" Jane screams. The blonde seems lost for words.

"Then-"

"Because I replaced her today! I had to replace my best friend!" She's in tears, her body shaking in rage and grief. The blonde seems apologetic.

"I didn't-" Jane just storms out of the shop. The blonde is just standing there, trying to understand what is going on. I walk up to her.

"She's taken Jordan's death hard. She blames herself."

"I don't get-"

"She feels she should have seen it coming. Jordan committing suicide. She tried to save her. She'd run up to the top of the gym's roof to get to her, to talk her down. She was a second too late." The blonde seems confused.

"She tripped on the stairs when going up. She's angry at herself for that."

"But that's ridiculous!" I smile at her, a small simple smile.

"It's still the way she feels," I point out. I put an arm on her shoulder. "I'm sure that you'll do great on the squad," I say, as I turn around and indicate to Major Shaw to leave. I get out before the blonde has a chance to reply. As soon as we are away from the area, I just crumple to the floor, my back against a wall. The pain is back, but worse now. It feels like my chest will explode with pain. I just start to cry. Major Shaw crouches down next to me, balancing her weight on the balls of her feet.

"Care to explain?" So simple, so direct. So cold. Like things happened in her life that's made her switch off feelings, as if they are a hindrance. I believe that I'm stronger for my emotions.

"The girl who stormed out... she was on the Victorian Skynet Mission. She will, in the near future, end up with me, Derek and Jack back in the past, and to complete the mission, to-" is sniffle as my voice breaks. "To save us, she stays behind. Sacrifice. And I had to watch, because I can't interfere with her life. Because her death is now a fact. It could blow up the universe, or something." Major Shaw softens slightly.

"You seem to have been good friends with her," she says. I sniffle again.

"We were intimate with each other," I say quietly. I tap my chest. "It's agony in here," Major Shaw is looking at me as if she's seeing the impossible.

"Definitely breaking and changing rules," she comments wryly.


	6. Past Reflections

**Past Reflections**

_-Like I said, you make your choices, and you live with them. And in the end, you are those choices. _

_Major Kendra Shaw, Battlestar Galactica: Razor._

---------------------------------

This is a bad idea.

I know this, but I still have to do it. I have to see this. And it'll help Major Shaw understand what has been happening a little bit better. I can hear her shift about in the seat of the car we are in. she's getting very impatient now.

"So, why are we here? Because, as I understand it, we're a couple of days in the past."

"Less than that now. You took a long time repairing me." I turn to look at her quickly. "Did you take shifts? You three must have slept," I say, thinking about the kids at school. They would add another phrase. "Or something."

"Jack and Derek didn't. They didn't want to stop. They seemed very determined to save you," she says softly. I look at her, and smile slightly.

"I'd do the same for them." As I say it, I realise it's true. I _would_ do just that. For them. I turn my head, and continue watching. Silence falls down between us again. I wish she'd accepted my offer of other clothes. She seems to me someone who was once an idealist, a dreamer, and the horror of the destruction of her civilisation changed her. Made her cold. I feel sorry for her. She's ended up making herself into a tool for warfare to the point I don't think she will never know how to be anything else any more. I've been thinking about it. Get through school, and go to college. Study Environmental Science. Become an Ecologist, or something. I've not thought it all through. Except that we will beat Skynet, and then we'll have to live lives that will be normal in comparison. And I want that. I'm focussing on that notion. I know that there's the danger that it could all be re-started by the technology in my body, but I don't want to be destroyed. I want to carry on living for as long as I can. Because I have to. For her. For the one who has made me feel this pain. Because she died, wanting me to carry on.

As much as I ache with loss, as much as I want to be with her, I know that I would rather be alive and with her, rather than dead and with her. Because life is where you can change things, make things better.

I get that now.

I see two men walking up to a Jeep that's parked up a little way up the street. I know that Jeep well. And the street. Me, Derek, John and Mom used to live in it. Major Shaw is shifting forward, clearly taking interest in the two men. She's studying their actions, of opening the driver's door illegally, and popping the hood to look at the engine. She starts to move.

"We should do something-" I grab her, and shove her back in the seat.

"We can't. These events are established. We can't do anything but watch," I tell her. She looks at me angrily, but stays put, muttering something about me being a frakking machine or something. I just watch them do their job, and go. The question I have is... how long after was it? How long did they then wait for the trap to be sprung?

I wonder if the bomb was meant for me?

After ten minutes, I see a familiar figure walk out of a house, and to the pavement. As the figure starts to cross the street to the Jeep, I hear a gasp from Shaw.

"That's you," she says in a loud whisper. She looks at me, serious and unloving in her stare. "Why are we watching-" I grip her jaw, and force her head to look at the events. I see myself get to the Jeep, and use the keys to open the door. I see Sarkissian and his goon walk away, glancing back every couple of seconds. Suddenly, the Jeep erupts into an explosion of flames, making Major Shaw jump, and me wince. I had no idea just how nasty the explosion had been. None. And it would have instantly killed anyone else. Shaw is opening the door, to go and help. I grab her and force her back into the seat.

"These are established events. They cannot be messed with," I tell her, hoping she'll understand this.

"But you need help!" she shouts. I shake my head.

"You can't give it to me, because you were never here originally. You're here now, because I wanted to watch. I _needed_ to watch." She stops talking, and we just hear the sound of car alarms nearby blaring, awoken by the explosion. My ears hear the sound of metal objects being moved, and we both see the door to the Jeep get smashed off. A gasp comes from Major Shaw.

"Frak... there's a large lump of shrapnel in your head," she exclaims when she sees my past self emerge from the wreckage, a piece of metal embedded in the back of my past self's skull. My hand reaches to the back of my present skull, feeling the crack still there. I don't like that dent. I don't like the fact I could just sleep one time, and not wake up. And it'll be sooner, rather than later.

"I'd been told to get a cake. I didn't know until Derek told us, it was for John. For his birthday." I stop to think. "That's not true. John told me. When we were at the school trip." I stare at Major Shaw, scared. "I'd forgotten... my chip's been badly damaged." A tear crawls down my cheek. "What else have I forgotten? What _else_?" Shaw just exhales deeply. She turns to look at the past me, taking out the shard of metal out of my head, and look at it before tossing it aside.

"I'll keep looking into ways of repairing you."

I can hear it in her voice. Suspicion. Mistrust. But then, her civilisation was almost wiped out by machines. I think back with guilt, when all I was was just a machine. A stinking, disgusting machine. I don't want to think about those horrible times.

I still want to destroy Skynet. Not simply because it will devastate the whole planet, ruin the ecology, all that I hold dear, but to erase the existence of any Metal that could arise from Judgement Day. I'll never allow one to continue existence. Never. And I know that I'd enjoy immensely destroying any Metal that I come across from now on. Especially after they took my girlfriend from me.

They'll pay for that.

Big time.

My past self is now in our old house, killing that henchman of Sarkissian's, and the house will burn down. Oh. That's a point...

"We need to go now," I tell Major Shaw. She looks at me, confused. "We need to get away, before John and Mom get out of the house. Not to mention myself," I point out. We get out of the car, my Sonic Screwdriver locking the white car again, and activating the alarm. Wait... What the... I don't understand. I'm not giving any indication I'm aware, but I can sense a familiar presence. Something is watching us. But the last time I sensed it, though, was in eighteen eighty eight. Whatever was stalking us then is also stalking us in two thousand and seven. No. Me. It's the only thing that makes sense. And that makes me nervous. Because I _know_ that what ever it is has the power to take me out. And that scares me. This isn't Metal... it's something more.

I grab Major Shaw's arm, and we both start to run, to get distance from the house. Not to mention try to lose the thing watching us. After a few blocks, we slow down, and Shaw catches her breath.

What now, though? What should we do? Wait... the church. We should be go there, so Major Shaw can get a better idea of how complicated the situation is for us all. Because Jane was right. This _is_ a Time War. Not like the one that killed off the Lords of Time, the alien race from another universe, but still...

Suddenly, we pass a shop. One I just _have_ to go in... I know that Major Shaw is confused by my actions, but I don't care.

When we enter the magic shop, my nose is assaulted by all the smells of incense and essential oils in the shop. And I can feel the power inside this place. All the items here, they are like a chorus in my mind, singing into my consciousness. I let myself open up to the energies surrounding me. This is how I know I'm not simply a machine. I can sense all of this, the energy around me, and since coming back from that garden, the scream of the universe. I could before hear the pain, but it was like a a muffled whisper, and I mostly filtered it out. Now, it's so much louder. And I know why. The energy that was healing Jane, back when we had first met, it had also hit me.

It has changed me on a deep, deep level. I know this, because I can feel it now.

And I'm still changing.

I know why I can feel the universe scream. It's my genetics. The organic part of me is now only part human, and it's only now that I get what my now dead girlfriend was trying to explain to me.

And that is a very nice cloak and dress over there. A sort of Medieval Gothic look to it. I want it. I don't care about how I can sense the universe, I want that dress. And the cloak. I'd live to wear that dress to school with my favourite jacket. It'd be tight.

But I can still feel the universe. I think it's slowly healing, because the Cathedral of time, the time and space craft that was built by the Lords of Time, has been cleansing and purifying the all the damage the Future War has been causing, because each time the Time Displacement technology is used, it tears at the fabric of this reality. I look at Major Shaw, to see if my explanations of the damage to the universe, and of the origins of the Cathedral are making sense. I can see her frown, staring at a crystal ball.

"Sounds like things a re totally frakked up around here," she says simply. I smile slightly at her.

"Yes. It's totally whack," I agree as I pay for the cloak and dress.


	7. Crossroads

**Crossroads**

"I can't believe that you bought all of that junk."

I just frown at Major Shaw, feeling deeply annoyed. This is the first thing she's said since we left the shop, and that was over an hour ago. I give her what I hope is a withering look. She looks back at me, unimpressed.

"It's not junk. It's basic Wiccan tools," I point out. I'd been meaning to get my own, but being stuck in Victorian England didn't help in the slightest... and I'd rather not use Jane's. It feels... _wrong_ to use them. I just wish I had had more time to learn about the religion from her.

What gets me, though, is the mystery of the stalker. Whatever they are, they are powerful, and have too much of an interest in me. And possibly John and Mom, too, given they were at the house. But was it the present me, or the past me it was observing?

In any case, I need to figure out what is so interested in me, and why.

"So... what's this 'Wiccan' thing, then?" Shaw asks, trying her best to hide her pain. All of this travelling must be causing that wound to flare up. Thinking about it, the organic side of me seems to be aching with all of the walking we've done, too. She's clearly trying to work out if there's a reason for getting what I got, or if I'm malfunctioning.

"It's a religion. Earth based spirituality. It's one of the many Magickal branches of Paganism," I tell her. Shaw makes a small noise.

"No religion I know of uses bits of wood with stones attatched. Or a knife. or-"

"Mine does. And it's not a bit of wood, it's a wand. You use it to channel and focus energy. And it's not simply a knife. It's an Athame. It does much the same as a wand, but can be used differently in ceremony." I stop to face her dead on. "And stop mocking my beliefs."

Shaw is clearly sizing me up, warily gauging whether I'm simply making that last part up, or if it's genuine. After a moment, she realises I'm serious. Which I am. I've looked at as many world religions, and Wicca makes the most sense to me. Not to mention I can make balls of silver energy in the palm of my hands. Need to figure out what that means. Part of the reason why I got my own tools. We start walking again.

"Still don't get why you're wearing that cloak," she mutters. I don't answer, wanting to focus instead at getting to our next location, as well as me trying to enchant this cloak. The Cathedral has a Perception Filter, which makes people not notice it. I'm hoping to do the same thing with my cloak, but with magick instead. If that mystery individual comes again, I might be able to get close enough to learn more. I don't like not knowing.

There. We're at the next place. A modern looking church, with white walls. I quickly check the time. We are all inside now, and it's not been long. I get us to the side of the church, as fast as possible. I mustn't interfere with events. Not when they are as confusing as they are... I find a wooden crate for Shaw to sit on, and I put the bag with my dress on the top, to act as a sort of cushion. I get out a bar of chocolate, and offer Shaw a piece, which she refuses with a shake of her head. I motion to the makeshift chair, which she reluctantly sits down on. I give her a small smile, trying to stop this stupid hostility we have. She looks out at the road.

"Why are we here?" she asks, watching a fire department ambulance drive off. That would be Charley Dixon. As much as he's a tactical threat, and him knowing us puts him in danger, I like him. There is a simple honesty in him I respect. There's so much suspicion and deceit between us all, it drives me crazy. I make a little cooing noise with my mouth full as I feel the chocolate melt in my mouth. I'd really like to sit down, but there isn't a second crate to sit on. Besides, if my stalker appears again, I'll be able to follow them faster. Then I might find out some more about them. And that'd be tight.

Just before I finish eating my bar of chocolate, I hear a familiar sound. Major Shaw gets up to cautiously see what the source of the noise is. She makes a small strangled sound as she recognises the blue box shape she's become familiar with. I've got a lump in my throat. And the urge to rush forward, and to warn her, to tell her what will happen, to save her...

But if I tell my dead girlfriend that she'll die in the past, I'll cause a tear in time, because of the extremely paradoxical nature of my telling her.

So I can't warn her. Or even give her a hint. Which is killing me inside. I feel my cheeks moisten with silent tears. I sniffle unexpectedly.

"What's wrong with you?" Shaw asks, looking at me briefly before staring back at the blue Police Box. "And how many of those things _are_ there?"

"Just one. After this, it goes back in time, to allow the woman inside to integrate into the time-line, to help me and John. She'll end up with me, Derek and Jack over a hundred years in the past. There'll be a mission to stop the creation of a primitive Skynet. It goes wrong. And she'll-" my voice breaks as I see myself walk out of the Cathedral, and hear the doors slam shut as it starts to de-materialise. I watch myself watching the Cathedral disappear. The feeling I have is totally whack. And it is, seeing myself like this. I had so much hope, this belief in so much... innocence. That's what I was then. Innocent. And that's now gone, and I wish it was back again. I want that wonder, that delight. I sniff loudly, engulfed in pain, chocking in loss. I watch my younger self hide in an alleyway.

"Whatcha doing?" Shaw asks. I place a trembling hand on her shoulder.

"Waiting. I'll run out of the church, and that version of me walks in, to cover the fact I had run away. The version of myself hiding is something like half a year younger than I am now. And the version hiding is something like a couple of days older than the ver-"

I hear the doors of the church open, and we carefully peer round to see myself run away, passing us in the process. I pull the hood down further, whispering a chant I've come up with, trying to enforce the perception shift I want around my cloak. I see myself looking in my direction. She must be looking straight at me. I don't think I can see myself. If I could I'd investigate, and-

I'm inside now. I grab my bags, and motion to the Major we need to move. I grab the bag with my dress as soon as she gets up. We follow my past self as she runs ahead, disappearing in no time.

"It's no use! We don't know where she is!" The Major exclaims, annoyed. I give her a small, lop-sided smile.

"Doesn't matter. I know where she'll end up," I point out.

"Were there any other versions of yourself watching?" I shake my head.

"Not unless there were any future versions of myself. Which would be illogical. The risk of a paradox would be too great. Unless I've gone completely insane. _That's_ a possibility," I tell her as we move to the alleyway I know I'll end up, going.

We get there, going deeper into the alleyway. What's _that_? Sounds like thunder. oh. I remember now. I caution Major Shaw, and we go deeper into the alley. I look further along, and see myself gazing at a crack of lightning flaring through the air, joined by another.. And another. And another. More and more coming together, turning green. Green lightning, and then a sphere of green energy starts to form, and it seems to be spinning, crackling and pulsating. It's like its alive, being born. Seeing it again, all of this, makes me appreciate how much I've changed.

I stare at my younger self, as she's unable to move. I remember feeling stupid, just standing here, that I'd probably be killed, but still transfixed by the sheer _beauty_ of the moment. I still am. So amazing to watch, as if I'm seeing something powerful, made up of the elements themselves. I open myself up, feeling the power of it magickally. That's what it is. Magick. I get that now. When Jane was exiled, she was in a magickal battle with _some_thing powerful in her home universe, and the fight kicked her out. Of course... her enemy had wanted to kill her, by sending her to a universe highly poisonous to her part Fae nature.

And then the sphere is complete, and inside suddenly appears a crouching someone- a girl... I gaze longingly and lovingly at her teenaged appearance, her beautiful long hair, and the battered leather jacket she's wearing. Her hands are splayed outward, her arms outstretched, and there is the look of power to her, as if she is made of power.

Yes. She's fighting a massive battle, and she's barely holding off that attack by the sheer force of her will. She's badly outclassed, I can sense how imbalanced the fight should be, but she's pulling up surprises, able to hold her own against impossible odds.

The sphere grows tighter, as if trying to crush her. It's weird: I can see she's there, but also not there, as if she's in two places at once. And the energy sensations I'm getting... I hold out my wand, desperately hoping to get a better viewing of this fight. Because I can see me having to do this in the future. She's grunting now, as if the effort is taxing her. The drain to her is immense. I can see an instability forming in her magickal fields. She's staring forward, staring at some invisible focal point, staring with a glare that could melt steel. I know that look. She's wanting to get out of the sphere, and tear to shreds her attacker. It's the predator inside her. It makes her that way sometimes. Made. For me, it's made. Because she's dead.

Time travel can be confusing. And suck big time.

My past self is knocked backwards, as the fight ends, and the bubble explodes. A loud lowly-pitched guttural grunt erupts from Jane, as she's thrown backwards into the brick wall behind her, her head slamming it with a sickening crack. She falls forward, and as she does so, manages to land on her feet, like a cat. Her rage must be keeping her going, because that injury would have really hurt bad.

And then it hits her; a familiar metal case with glass sides. It smacks her squarely on the forehead, kicking it back, blood gushing forth from the nasty gash it forged. Even so, she catches it in her right hand, and uses her left to secure the catch. I watch my yourself look at the hand in a jar. A jar with bubbling fluid, and with genetic material that ended up inside both me and Jane.

Her head snaps forward, and she shakes it slightly. With a small frown, she looks about, assessing calmly her environment.

"Certainly not in Kansas any more," she mutters as she starts to examine the jar. I can't help but smile slightly at her comment. I watch on, as the events unfold as I remember them, watching the first time I met the woman who would end up intimate with me, who would show me the creation of this planet, who would die alone. I feel the pain and the sadness puncture my body, flooding my chest cavity with fluid sorrow. I just want to die right now. How can I carry on without her? She means so much to me. Such a hole in my life, inside me, and I don't know how to fill it again.

I watch as the walk past, wrapping both me and the Major with my cloak, using my perception chant to keep Jane from seeing us. The only advantage I have is she won't be expecting me to be here. Otherwise I'd stand no chance. She's too experienced magickally to be fooled by me. Not if she's looking out for me.

We watch as the bubble forms for time displacement, and the soldier sent to warn us about Greenway comes through, fatally wounded. I know he'll die from that gunshot wound, because I was there when it happened. Will be there.

Whatever.

I see the younger me fall into the crater, and Jane move to save me as the second bubble emerges. I see Jane use a combination of technology and magick. Oh. Looking at it now, I see it's mostly magick that made us move through time. I can also sense how time itself is eating into her body, accelerating the damage this universe is doing to her body. In a flash, they are gone.

I walk forward, assessing the area with my wand. What? I've just been blinded by something. My eyes quickly adjust back to normal. Then again, it pays sometimes to not be wholly organic.

I stare at the sight of the naked woman rising up from a crouch in front of me, turning to look at Major Shaw, her head tilting slightly.

"Your clothes. Give them to me."

I swallow hard, accidentally saying the one word I can think of, one I hear John use a lot.

"Crap."


	8. Cloak And Dagger

**Cloak And Dagger**

"Like hell I'll give you my clothes," Major Shaw snarls. I swallow hard, realising that my cloak is stopping everyone from seeing me. That's why no-one has reacted to my outburst. Because Shaw is now focussed on the Terminator that's appeared. And that Metal isn't perceiving me. And it should be detecting everything. Including me in a black cloak next to it.

Guess that means that my make-shift enchantment works.

Oh. it's worked. It's really _worked_. The end of the alleyway. There's someone in a deep crimson cloak at the end of the alley with the entrance. Which means that I _was_ being watched at the church, and they followed me back here. Which means they didn't anticipate me being here, because it's an accident. The Cathedral took us back too soon. Which is good luck for me. I'm scanning the watcher with everything I've got, whist at the same time getting my Sonic Screwdriver out. Because I'm going to have to get into a fight, and I'm hoping the stetting I'm thinking of will give me an advantage.

The Metal is getting closer to Shaw.

Okay, it's time for me to move...

"Hi," I say, moving between the angry, machine hating soldier, and the naked killing machine just arrived from the future. In a fluid movement, I flip down my hood, and smile cheerfully at the Metal. It looks at me, assessing my body. It's seeing if my clothes will fit it.

"I was hoping you could help me," I say, looking at the entrance. Interesting. I can still see the cloaked watcher. Must mean that either I've grown more powerful, or they've stopped hiding themselves from me. Either way, I'm scanning them with everything I have. Enhanced vision, thermal, UV, IR... the full array.

"Your clothes. Give them to me."

"Yes... but could you tell me the way to the Citadel? I've been trying to find it for hours, but I'm unfamiliar to the geography of Gallifrey, and my Sat Nav isn't working. Do you know where it is?" I ask, as casual as I can manage. It tilts its head to the left slightly.

"This is Gallifrey?" The eyes look down, telling me it's processing the information. Which is what I want. To completely confuse the Metal. I glance at the entrance, seeing the figure still there. It looks back up at me.

"I don't know of a Gallifrey. There isn't a city called Gallifrey in the United States of America." I sigh heavily at the news.

"Sorry... what's an 'United States?' I don't recall that on the map," I say, keeping in line with my act of confused tourist. I think it's working. It's thinking again. "Maybe it's close to the Dark Tower in the Death Zone? I know where that is," I carry on. It's processing everything I'm saying.

"I have no knowledge of the locations you have mentioned. Give me your clothes."

"Oh... but what about this? Am I meant to give this to you?" I ask, holding up my Sonic Screwdriver. It looks at it, trying to work out what it is. I point it at it's face, and activate it, using the setting point blank range.

It staggers back, unable to see. Then again, I made sure that the torch setting was at maximum. To make sure it would suffer over exposure to it's vision for a few seconds. I shove the machine, sending it into a wall. I pocket my Sonic, and grab the machine, hurling it to the floor. I launch myself on top of it, getting out a flip knife.

"That bar! Give it to me!" I shout at Shaw, indicating the discarded bar on the floor with my head. She does it immediately, and I'm glad for the swift response. The lack of hesitation. Then again, she's used situations where a second could mean life or death. I snatch the bar, and wrap it around it's head. The augmented strength of the cybernetics in my arms bend the bar with ease, something that until now I've not really thought about. What an advantage it is. The Coltan structure I possess makes me so much more resilient. And that makes me thankful. Because, as I slice into the scalp, I know that if we'd been both human, both myself and Major Shaw, then this machine would have slaughtered us, and taken our clothes.

And what else? I take it this one is out to kill the soldier, but what else? I pop off the access port, and toss aside the knife. With experienced fingers, I twist and extract the CPU, feeling satisfaction and pleasure as it loses the spark that animates it. What the... I don't understand...

The chip is burning up or something. It's going to be impossible to use it in any way. This doesn't make sense.

"What's going on? Did you damage it or something?" Shaw is crouching down next to me, picking up the port cover and examining it. My lips thin out into a humourless smile.

"Something... I don't get this. The chip has a... suicide option or something." I shake my head slightly, confused by this. I get up, and carefully put the remains into the the bag with my dress. I want to try and get it as intact as possible back to the Cathedral. Maybe the advanced technology at our disposal can help figure out what its mission was. I look at the body. Looks like I'll have to carry that thing to the Cathedral... Calculating journey... about fifteen blocks from here. Wait... if I use my cloak, the perception shift should avoid attention. We could then get a taxi, which would make things an awful lot simpler. I doubt Major Shaw can make the full distance, particularly with her wound.

Is- yes... the cloaked watcher is still there, watching. My cloak fit the body easily, further whispered enchanting to further the perception shift. I look up again, and see that all I can detect is the presence again. For some reason, none of my different visual scans are showing anything. I give the mystery watcher a big smile, and a a big wave. I want it to believe I can see it more readily than I actually can. Might put it on edge.

Might not. But I'm tired of being watched and stalked over different centuries by this thing. I want answers.

"Who are you waving at?" Shaw asks, looking down the alleyway. Oh. There's an old guy in a green coat, hat, and a long white beard staring at us slumped against a wall. He looks like he's been drinking too much. I walk up to him, and smile. I remember reading from Jane's Blue-Green Book of Shadows that it's possible to push thoughts and impressions onto other people. She felt it was morally dubious at best. I feel it's important to make sure that our tracks are covered. I crouch down in front of him, focussing and concentrating on an impression. I let it build up, waiting for the right moment.

"Drinking so much is making you see strange things," I say. I need to time this right... He harrumphs.

"Got _that_ right," he grumbles. "Never buying _that_ beer again." I just nod to that.

"Good idea," I agree. It's all I can do. That and reduce the charge back down to nothing. I don't need to try to Fascinate him. In the Book, it was called Fascination. I need to put down as much as I can remember into my own book. I need to have my own.

I give the guy a few of the notes in my pocket, stand up and walk to the cloaked body. I look to Shaw.

"We need to go," I say to her as I pick up the body and place it over my shoulder. The Major picks up my bags, and we walk to the entrance. Once we get back to the main street, I step into the road, and raise a hand.

"Taxi!" I bellow. One stops in front of us. I open the door, and make sure that the body isn't going to arouse suspicion. As soon as I'm seated, I give the driver a friendly smile. Once Major Shaw is in the cab, I tell him where we need to go, and I feel the momentum of the car dig me into the seat as we accelerate. Silence hits us all as we travel back to the street corner the Cathedral is sitting at. I want to dump the body and the bags, and go out again. I've realised that I was meant to go to the Roof today. The explosion disrupted my normal routine. Luckily, I've a second chance.

I feel relief when I see the familiar blue box when we start to pull up. I just shove a number of bills at the driver.

"This is-"

"Can you wait for me? I'm just dropping my friend and her stuff off." He nod, clearly eager to keep happy a big tipper. Must have given him a lot extra.

Shaw gets out of the car, and I start to shift the body, making sure the cloak is still covering the body. The driver is very interested, but I'm not going to say or do anything to arouse further suspicion. If I can help it.

Shaw pushes through the door, closely followed by me. As soon as we get to the top of the ramp, I drop the body to the floor, a heavy thud clanging. I turn to go out.

"Where you going?" Shaw asks. I turn to look at her.

"The explosion stopped me from checking up on something. Skynet related. I need to do it tonight, or important information might be lost." She looks at me warily.

"If you're hungry, get something from the Kitchen. If Jack and Derek don't start a reconstruction analysis on the chip remains," I say, noticing they've fallen asleep whilst watching the game, "Then I'll do it when I get back." I get to the door.

"You'd better not be playing us," she snarls. I look back at her harshly.

"If you want to come, do so. I've nothing to hide," I say. She looks down at the Metal lazily splayed on the floor. The door makes a click as I shut it, use my key to lock it, and get back into the cab. He's looking at me, completely bewildered.

"How... it's just a box!" he stutters out. I look at him blankly, as if he's gone and said something weird.

"She's on a low income. It's the only place she can afford. The rents are quite high in this city."

My deadpan explanation has him even more shocked.


	9. Bundle Accumulation

**Bundle Accumulation**

"Thanks!" I say cheerfully as I finish paying the driver, giving him a wave and a smile as he drives off. I turn, killing the smile, and walking the couple of blocks needed to get to the Roof. I didn't want him knowing my destination, because he was a security concern. He was asking too many questions. I don't blame him, I would do the same in the same circumstances. But the Roof is something I wish to keep secret for as long as possible.

I get to the main doors, and I reach for my-

Oh. I've not got my keys on me. They would be in my room. The one in the burnt house. Luckily, I have the master key with me.

I get out my Sonic Screwdriver, feeling the cracked surface of the main body, looking at the ivory coloured and feeling the texture of ivory it has. I've never really looked at it before. I've always taken it for granted. I activate it, the blue light whirring to life from the metal end. There, a click. I quickly pull at the handle, and go inside. No, I don't want to use the lift. I politely decline the young couple's offer for me to get in the lift with them, and quickly run up the stairs. I get to the top floor, and walk down the corridor just as the lift opens and the couple get out. I turn to look at them, noticing their confusion at me getting up the stairs so fast.

I carry on down the corridor, and to the door at the end. I hear the murmuring of the couple, because they know what this door leads to.

And the Roof has a bad reputation.

The whirring of my Sonic clicks all five of the locks, allowing me to get inside and switch off the alarm system. How many... four. I've enough time to get to the parcel depot. Keys. I get to the safe, and open it, taking out one of the three spare sets ready cut, and the emergency wallet. The walk back to the front door is quick, and my fingers fly over the alarm keypad. I need to get to the parcel depot as fast as possible. I don't want any of my packages to be sent back. Especially after how much some of them cost me...

I am going to need more sleep than usual. I was off-line for several hours, but I didn't repair myself in that time. And I've done a lot of walking today, which hasn't really done my organics a lot of good. It's strange. I think that my being off-line has altered me further. I'll check into it when I'm back at the Roof. Woah. My knees suddenly buckle. My chip... something is going on with it. I feel my hand tremor slightly. There's a surge going on in my chip. Time. I need to get there...

Fifteen minutes to spare. Good. And the tickets are... yes. Got all of them. Barging inside, I rush to the counter, and slam the receipts onto the wood, making the bored guy in his mid thirties a big jump. He's staring at me, startled, until he recognises me. He's looking at me nervously. Then again, the first time I came for packages, he'd been officious. Until I had decided to get the packages myself. By tearing the reinforced door open, and searched the packages myself. Single handed. Because the other hand was being used in lifting him off the ground to stop him attacking me. And made sure he knew not to tell anyone. I was very emphatic on that note.

Since that time, he's very eager to get me my packages. Sometimes, he's giving me other people's packages as well by mistake.

"Hi. I've got some packages waiting for collection," I say cheerfully. I'm hoping it's cheerful. I'm not a natural at smiling, and sometimes I get it wrong without intending. I did have it all together, but the time jump to the present year messed me up, and I never figured out why. He's gone and taken the tickets very quickly. And rushed off without saying a thing.

My body suddenly bucks. I gasp, trying to process the sensory overload that's just exploded in my chip. I blink my eyes tightly shut as I pant, my right leg twitching a bit. Heat. There's so much heat built up in my chip- no, it's just one section. Oh. A damaged section. Badly damaged. And it's been trying to repair itself, based on the function data that was stored in that area. Thing is, I've no clue what that function data was. I've no idea about my chip any more. The inventories that would tell me what sections perform particular actions are either corrupted, destroyed, or incomplete. I rake my hand through my hair. I don't know what's going on. But my body wants something. I don't know what though...

"You okay?"

"My chip is malfunctioning."

"You've got a chip in your brain. Figures." Wait. Someone- Oh. It's the parcel guy. My head snaps up, my eyes wide, my vision disrupted by the hair in front of them. I quickly brush it out of my face. I give him a quick smile, hoping I can soon stop my eyes from being so wide. Oh. Packages. I look at them, checking them.

"This one isn't mine," I say, pushing one back without looking. The bubblewrap envelope is interesting. I can detect... What? Something. It's like it's awakening or something. I try not to buck too much as I stare at the package. Weird... it wants to know who I am. How is it talking-

Oh. Hidden Wi-Fi. And set at the same frequency as the contents... And I seem to have codes it recognises. This whole situation. It's... It's...

I know. Totally whack. Maybe I'm breaking down or something. Great... I've got no way for getting help, either...

"Er... Miss? I've found the package," says a familiar, nervous voice. I jump, my head snapping to the parcel guy. I take it, and put it with the others, staring at the package again. It wants me to tell it what to do.

"Is... there something wrong? With the package, I mean. You seem to be staring at it a lot," he says. I shake my head, still staring at it.

"I'm trying to work out what it wants from me," I explain.

"What it _wants_?"

"Yes."

"I don't-"

"It seems to recognise it, and I seem to have codes that are useful in communicating with it."

"You can _talk_ to your parcel..."

"No, just the contents." My left hand starts to spasm again, and I start to pant again. The heat has returned back to the previous level. I shakily collect the packages, and walk to the door unsteadily. I turn to look at the now scared parcel guy.

"Have a nice day."

All he can do is nod.

I get out, the coolness of the evening air hitting my face. I move as best I can to the Roof again, fumbling with my keys a couple of times. This time, I use the lift, crossing my legs and rubbing my back against the wall with no railing. I start to pant again, licking my lips. The doors open, and I hear a gasp.

Oh. It's the couple from earlier. I walk crookedly out, and into the corridor. I look at them as I pass them, as deadpan as possible. I don't want them knowing I'm dying from embarrassment.

"I'm having one of those days." They just nod, open mouthed at my explanation.

I just carry on walking. Well, staggering. Sort of. I think it's really lurching. Whatever. I just need to get inside.

Getting inside takes forever, because I can't stop my hand shaking. In the end, I resort to using my Sonic. I stumble inside, and claw my way up the wall to shut off the alarm with my Sonic. I kick the door closed, and as I rock myself with my legs crossed, I open the packages.

The first is just some junk. Clearly nothing to interest me. I toss it aside, and open the second package. oh. I was right to buy it. It's a damaged CPU. Looks like a T-800 to me. Skynet altered the chip design with the Triple Eights. The third package is another hand. Too many of these seem to be cropping up...

The final one is going to be really interesting. It said on the product info it was from a cyborg, and this was the only part that was saved before the coroner shipped the body for cremation. No, parts. Two small, pill-sized capsule shaped objects. Which are communicating with me somehow through a Wi-Fi I never knew I had.

Capsules that are now saying that I have been confirmed as Skynet.

They are asking me what I want them to do.

_Definitely _one of those days...


	10. The Primary Objective

**The Primary Objective**

I sigh as I stare at the capsules on top of the package.

The other parts I've put in their relevant displays, carefully catalogued as to when purchased, source of part, and other relevant details. The package with the capsules I put onto the coffee table. Then I quickly went out, and got myself the essentials to making perfect quality instant hot chocolate, a massive-sized drinking mug, and three large tubs of triple chocolate ice-cream. And dark chocolate syrup.

I've been staring at it for the past ten minutes, having sat down on the luxurious black leather sofa, listening to music from Angela Aki. Apparently she's Italian-Japanese. I just like listening to her music. The advantage I have is that I can speak fluent Japanese. It's one of the many languages I know.

The capsules have been getting more powerful, like they are still stirring from a deep slumber. I reach for my hot chocolate, eager for more liquid goodness. I tried having both the hot chocolate and the ice-cream, but the rapid changes in temperature caused minor glitching in my chip. So I'm drinking it as quickly as possible, and then I'll get to the ice-cream. I don't understand it, but the capsules seem to have a strange voice to them. It's like listening to an echo or a chorus. So strange.

What's even stranger is my chip. I've been running diagnostics, but I can't seem to get a complete check. Half the time, the diagnostics aren't even working. I don't know what to do. I've tried to assess the heat generating area, but I'm not getting any error responses. My diagnostic is registering it as correct. Which I know it isn't. How do humans cope without the ability to perform diagnostics? It's so totally whack. I gulp down the last of the hot chocolate, and put the mug back onto the table.

I grumpily stab at the ice-cream with the spoon, trying to work out if my current strategy is correct. I'd been sent back with the intention of not just protecting John, but to get him to jump forward. I know that there was another person sent back, but all I can remember is nineteen ninety nine, and being on my own. And I hadn't time-jumped, either. I've not told anyone, because it's part of the mission instructions. Was. I make my own choices. I decide how to stop Skynet. And my tactic of collecting parts, to see if I can get an idea of the larger plan is a good way forward. That and I don't have another plan to replace it.

I look at the source of my music playing. I had started out with a PC, but I've added to it, networking game consoles and whatever I could get my hands on. Like the rig that John had put together to access Vick's Chip. After it had nearly accessed the Internet, he had gotten rid of it. And the chip.

That's what he thinks, anyway.

I managed to switch the chip with a fake, and I took out of the trash the discarded components. It's helped to create a platform that has power, but lacks the AI to make it a potential threat in itself. But I'd been building it before I'd met Jane, before I'd travelled in the Cathedral of Time. I fully intend to add technology and AI capability from it. It makes sense. The advanced technology would be fully resistant to any attempt from a plugged-in chip to take over the whole mainframe.

Advanced technology... that could be used to describe me. But how advanced am I? Thing is, I know that no other Terminator Model used Wi-Fi. It just wasn't deemed necessary. And these capsules don't fit into the mix, either. They have an awareness of their own. But it's not as advanced or sophisticated as mine, or even a basic model Terminator. I remember seeing a couple of smashed T-70 Metals when I went into the facility that housed the Time Displacement technology. It's so weird, thinking about them... because they were so primitive. Like looking at the fossil record, and seeing ancient ancestors that evolution rejected and changed staring back at you. Back then, I didn't think about it. I had no opinion, no emotion. I was such a blank slate. I was nothing. Now look at me. Eating chocolate ice-cream, listening to a number of Japanese pop songs, curled up on a sofa. I spoon down the last of it, realising that I feel a little sick. And hungry. And tired. And for some unknown reason, wanting to go out and... I don't know. Meet people, I guess. No, just a single person. The heat. The ice-cream has cooled my chip down, but I know that the heat will build up again. And I need to find someone to help me solve the problem I don't know how I know this, but...

I need to go out. Right now.

The computer system is set up, bidding on the latest items I believe might be connected to Cyberdyne or Skynet. And right now, it's a case of letting the programs do their job. And it's clear that I have to follow my program. The capsules are still waking up. Staring at them won't speed up the process.

Thinking about it, the fact that they communicate with me indicates compatibility. The capsules have something that is more advanced than the current version of Skynet. And I know from experience that the whole war has been going on for thousands of years. Makes me wonder if I'm a more advanced version from a more sophisticated incarnation of Skynet. The thought sickens me. That I'm connected to the war. I have grown to really like and care about this planet, and for the people I'm meant to protect. I see them as family now, though I have to confess that John scares me. He scares me a lot. The man he'll become is cold, calculating and ruthless. The human mirror of Skynet.

You know, both scare me a lot. They are both heartless whackjobs.

And John will become like that. And this upsets me.

The nearest nightclub is one that caters to Goths. I know, because I've been there before. To study and analyse human behaviour. Not to mention you can get some good conversation in this establishment. It's helped to make me think about things. Learn about people. Negative things. Positive things. I prefer to focus on that positive side to people. Jane had that. It's what got her killed.

Jane... I'd not been thinking about her. Well, I have, but I've been making sure it's the most minor process being calculated. I didn't want Major Shaw to see. To know just how much her loss is hurting me. I force myself not to cry as apply pale coloured foundation on. It's not that perfect with my skin tone, but I can get my skin tone a few shades lighter. I apply on the black lipstick, crimson lip-liner, and apply the gloss on top, making sure the shine is as glistening as I can manage. I apply the mascara, jet black and simple. Yes... deep purple. Like amethyst. A couple of layers over my eyes should do it fine. There. Looking good. What clothes... the black PVC trousers, and matching black PVC top. I tie it up at the back of my neck, making sure that none of my hair gets caught up. I get on the black knee length platform boots, and stare in the mirror. It's not tight. Well, it is, but it's missing something. Colour in my hair. Yes. A lighter shade of purple. The hair mascara goes on effortlessly. There. It's all working nicely now.

I just wish Jane was here, that we could go out hand have a fun night together. That would be so tight... mustn't cry... I'll mess up my make-up... I swallow hard. I cannot understand how I can miss a single person so much. Maybe it's the chip damage. Because I doubt very much that humans get this bad.

I walk out, choosing the black leather jacket, sliding my Sonic Screwdriver, money, and emergency ID into my inner pocket. Oh. Keys. I grab the spare set from the floor, and switch on the alarm before closing the door. The air outside has really lost a lot of heat. I see a couple of scantily clad girls shivering as they walk past me. I think about them, to avoid thinking about everything else. The bouncers recognise me with a nod, and I nod back. I pay for the cover, my hand stamped with the inked proof I've paid.

Inside is crowded, smoky, and noisy. But that's okay; I like Goth music. I like a lot of different types of music. My eyes scan the crowd. There's no-one I remember from previous visits. Drink. I need a drink. It helps with blending in. And I could do with drinking something. The bartender I remember. He'd caught my interest the first time I'd seen him. Mostly for the bald head with the tribal tattoos. I give him a small smile.

"Coke please," making sure that I'm not antagonising him in the slightest. I've seen what happens if you do.

This place can be a little rough.

As I wait for the drink to appear, I look to my right, casually seeing what is about.

What? No. That is _so _ whack...

A little way away, at the bar, is a girl with a face I know.

I know it, because it's the same face the Terminator I took out had.


	11. The Flesh Is Weak

**The Flesh Is Weak**

_-We all have weak moments... moments where we lose faith. But it's our flaws, our weaknesses that make us human. _

_Sarah Connor, The Demon Hand._

---------------------------------

It's all I can do to not have my mouth wide open.

It's her. It's frakking _her._ The nose with the wide bridge, the hair cut to chin-length, the fairly flat cheek-bones, wide lips, the light ochre eyes...

And she's starting to walk away with her drink.

I grab my drink as soon as it comers, and I thank the bartender. My eyes keep sight of her as she walks to an empty table, and sits down. She's just sitting there, sipping away at her drink, working on something on her Blackberry. She's oblivious to everything around her. It's making me think of mom, of what that fateful night was like, when she found out about Skynet and the Machines. They were planning to replace her. This woman whose life is going on uninterrupted, because of my unintended interference. But I don't get it. What's so important about her? What makes her so special? I need to find out.

And my hand's starting to spasm again. The heat's building up again. I've got to get this done fast. Then maybe I can spend time figuring out what's wrong with me. Because it's scaring me. Without my diagnostic systems, I can't figure out what's gone bad. Put it to one side. I've got a job to do.

"Is it me, or is the music tonight sucking big-time?" The words leave me as I slide into the seat opposite her. She looks up, then carries on with her Blackberry. Okay, she's ignoring me. What does her body language tell me? Well, she's here to be out. I don't think she's here to meet someone, so that means she's massively obsessed with work.

I need to change that obsession.

"I hope it's band night. Maybe they'll have someone cool in. were you her when Abney Park played? They were awesome." She's not even glancing up. Anger is rising inside me. I'm suffering from the effects of this heat build-up. And I'm being _ignored_ by her...

Well, screw _that_...

My eyes focus onto her. And with as much cold rage as I've got inside of me, I push the heat and it's effects onto her. Onto the workaholic who has no idea that she nearly died today. I feel a tingling in my arms and legs, and something else, a shifting, a passing. Her head jerks back as if punched hard by invisible forces. Her eyes are glazing over, slightly blank. She blinks shaking her head as if snapping out of a daydream. Those light ochre eyes of hers, notice me, and focus on me intensely. Her face, pale from make-up, smiles at me. With a glance, she finishes what she's doing, and and puts the Blackberry away. As I look at her, I suddenly wish the whole world that I could be with Jane once more, be in this nightclub, just talking.

"Hey," she says, her voice indicating to me she's interested in me. The tone reminds me of Jane. She's use it when she was aroused, and was interested in being intimate with me. I'm suddenly aching for that touch just one more time. I fake a smile.

"Don't you agree with me that the music sucks tonight?" I'm trying to be as friendly and flirty as possible. I flick my hair back, tucking it behind my ear. She nods.

"Always does before I get here. I get the DJ a list to play. I always get my list played once a couple or so more songs are played."

"Sounds like you come here a lot."

"Yeah. Used to be to get away from working, but this close to the deadline..." she sighs. I reach out and touch her hand.

"Sounds like an important deadline," I reply, hoping to get more information out of her. I use the Fascination technique to get her to want to open up to me, to feel like she needs to talk to me, tell me personal details. It's not working. All I'm able to do is transfer more and more heat to her. I can't do any thoughts. It must be because of my chip. Because of the damage. Pupil dilation. She's showing clear signs of arousal. She's leaning forward, smiling. Oh no...

The effects of the heat. I know what it is.

It's the state of sexual need. Procreative desire.

And I've transferred a massive amount on to her.

I close my eyes, realising what the words in the Blue-Green Book meant it was a warning, to show how horrible the path using it can be. I've put into her feelings and desires that weren't hers. I've manipulated her. Stole from her the ability to choose. That was wrong. So very wrong.

I feel guilt. And regret. And loss. Because I've lost a piece of my innocence, my virtue in doing this. As of now, I've got new commands. I can't hard-wire them into me – I've completely obliterated that area of my chip – but they are commands I can live by.

Do not kill.

Do not remove someone's free-will.

Avoid harming others.

Basic, but they'll do for now, when I can get more opportunity to think about the matter. Right now, she's stroking my hair. She's leaning really close to me. I shift my chair closer to hers, so she doesn't accidentally spill out drinks. She kisses, and I moan, because the tender touch reminds me of Jane. And the heaviness sinks my chest again. And guilt worms and crawls around in my abdomen. I feel really, really awful. I've made this girl a slave to my malfunctioning desires, and I'm betraying my dead girlfriend.

I'm a terrible individual.

She's whispering sweet nothings into my ear. At least, I think that's what it is. I remember reading a number of romance novels. Mainly Mills and Boon. Jane saw me reading them in the Cathedral's library, and she had a simple response. A snort, and the declaration that they were mushy crap. She was romantic, but in a different way. She was emotionally shut down in certain ways. I don't want to be like that. Damaged inside because of being hurt by people. It seems, though, it's very easy to hurt people emotionally. Because I've just done it to her.

"I'm Jessica, by the way."

"Cameron." I brush her cheek. I smile, though it's utterly false. I want cry. Curl up in bed, and cry. My stomach growls. I'd forgotten I hadn't eaten.

"You know what would be good right now? You, me, my place, hot chocolate and pizza," my voice silkily pours the words into her ears. The reaction is clear. She likes it.

We empty our glasses, and walk out, hands held. My thumb rubs the skin on the back of her hand. I don't understand. I've been without my girlfriend for a matter of hours, and I feel lonely. I can't be alone in bed. Not tonight. My lips lock on to her impulsively, in desperate hope that it might fill the gaping hole inside my chest.

It doesn't.

But it's amazing what going for pizza, and going back to the Roof can do. She's talking away. Jessica Jones. JJ to her friends. She's a graduate student, paying her way by writing books on technology. Her latest book is very negative. The impact of the book is clear: it'll be widely received, and will help to slow down the rise of the Machines. As much as it is immoral, I'm going to keep on Fascinating her. Because I have to stay close to her. I'm going to make sure that her argument against automation, and allowing Artificial Intelligence to have greater control over our lives is stronger than it currently is. I can tell she's missing gaps.

We enter the Roof, shutting down the alarm expertly. I put the pizzas on the coffee table, next to the capsules. Oh. I can't hear them. My Wi-Fi. It's down. I'm repairing it now. JJ notices the capsules, and opens the container to one, holding it in her hand.

"For a moment, I thought you were a pill-head or something," she says. I smile slightly at her, as my fingers remove the capsule from her hand and put it back into the container. We kiss, and she breaks away when she sees something behind me.

"Wow... that's some view," she gasps. I place a hand on her shoulder. She smiles as she tuns around eager to see the view from the other window. She rushes to the computer set-up I have.

"Shit, I've not seen anything as radical as this since Cyberdyne," she mutters as she thoroughly examines the hardware, her black glasses sliding her nose as son as she keeps pushing them back up.

"Cyberdyne?" I ask, dread fear entering me. I hope bringing her here wasn't a bad idea...

"Yeah... my dad worked for them. You should have seen this chip they'd been working on. In any case it's why I'm writing my current book the way I am," she says.

Now I'm _very_ interested.


	12. Temptation

**Temptation Waits. **

I don't believe it.

Rather, I _can't_ believe it. The chances of meeting someone with a Cyberdyne connection.

"It took me a couple of years, when she blew herself up in that bank vault. Then I managed to get more info, because she'd been declared dead. I mean... she sounds a complete whack-job. Robots from the future, time travel... but the thing is, my Dad and Dyson showed me the chip when I was a kid. I shouldn't have been in the lab, because... well, I was a kid, and it was a highly confidential project. But Dad felt it would get me interested in computers. And I asked them where it and this hand had come from. They just told me not to ask.

"I thought it weird. I mean, it _had _to have come from somewhere, right? Of course, the blowing up of Cyberdyne made me wonder even more." She looks at me, embarrassed. "Sorry, I must sound like a total nut." I smile slightly at her, and shake my head.

"I think your book should be even more cautious about Artificial Intelligence. I'll happily help you get more evidence to back up your claims."

"I don't get it..."

"I believe what you say. Why do you think my system has a modified version of Linux? It's more than capable of handling an AI system. I probably could make one. But there needs to be limits. Especially now. We're not advanced enough to handle the consequences."

"That's the whole argument I put forward in my book..." I can't help but smile slightly. I I'm thinking like a human. Not Metal. That's good. Because I don't want to be like them.

And I don't want to become Skynet, either.

I don't want to blow up the world.

She's looking at me. She seems lost, like she's Alice falling down the hole. I understand that. So much of my life has been incredible recently. I brush her cheek with my hand, stroking her lower lip with my thumb. Vick did that, to keep Barbara Chamberlain from suspecting something was wrong. I want more from that gesture. Having had a girlfriend is a painful and traumatic experience at the end. But the closeness, the need to touch and be touched... it's something essential, fundamental. Human need it, and I know that I need it, too. Despite the failings and limitations of my chip, it's been changing and altering. Developing.

Evolving.

When I was just a machine, I was perfect in the role given to me.

Kill. Just that. To kill.

But, in the end, it is not much. It is very, very limited. Charles Darwin stated that species either adapted to the changing environment, or became extinct. And that is what I'm doing. Changing and adapting. I want to go forward with my development, because I hope it will lead to a better me. It will lead to me becoming more whole. Jane had been trying to get that across to me. Somehow she'd known that she was going to die. She'd wanted to not be with me, in the hope that the pain of her death would be less for me. But I had ended up falling for her. I know it wasn't – isn't – love, but it is certainly the desire to be intimate. I am incapable of love, because you need a heart for that. Something I distinctly lack.

I just wish she'd been able to keep her promise, and get me a heart. Then I'd know what it would be like to love something. Or someone. Her. To truly love her.

That'd be tight.

"Why would you be so keep to help me? You don't know me," JJ says, clearly very suspicious. I try to find words, a reason, an excuse, but all I have is silence. I reach out to hold her hand, but I guess it was the wrong thing to do, because she's moving away from me.

"I just want to be with someone tonight. Just that. There's no agenda. I'm not up to anything," I say, trying not to sound distressed. When I was just a machine, it'd have been easy. But I'm not that now. The organic part of me has a say in my actions now. Which now, ironically, allows me to better understand people better. I know I should just let her go. But I can the start of spasming in my hand again. I'm overheating. I can feel it. I feel my respiratory response increasing. I guess I'm what Derek would describe as 'loved up.' And I need to have intimacy with someone soon. My system is too overloaded to transfer any of that heat to anyone else, and the heat build-up is threatening to cause massive damage to the whole of my chip.

She's going. I think the right word now is... 'Damn.' I grab a permanent marker, and take her hand.

"If you want to, you know... hang out or something," I say, trying to sound hopeful, but I know I sound more desperate. I'm desperate, though. As John would say, I am desperate to get laid. She's leaving without saying a word. I give her a minute, before I get myself unsteadily out of the door. I won't have time to get to the Cathedral, to try and get a solution. I need to find someone – fast – and get down and dirty. I remember Morris using that term a couple of time when talking to John. They didn't know I was listening in. I did that a lot, to make sure John was always safe. Right now, though, the main priority is making sure that I'm safe and well.

I stumble a couple of times in the hallway, but I manage to get down to the street without too much difficulty, though I needed to prop myself up in the elevator. I'm moving forward, trying to ignore the flashing red of he system alerts that are telling me what I already know. Before I ended up changed, I'd have looked at a timed reboot, but I'm scared of what that might mean now. My organics were almost a separate entity to me, but now...

Have to focus on my footsteps. I can't afford to end up in hospital. That would cause too many problems. Including my death.

Need to get to a nearby nightclub. Have to get the heat dissipated.

What's that noise? Sounds like someone. Have to focus. My system is starting to degrade now. I'm able to keep it together, make it keep at a point where it will be repairable, but I can't keep it together for too much longer. Help. I'm hearing that word. I focus onto the person saying it. The visual is all over the place. Seems like a private school student. If I'm registering the information right. Definitely female. She's clearly in distress.

"Please, miss... can you help me? I'm lost, and I need to get home, and my phone was stolen, and my purse..." I unsteadily place a trembling finger on her lips. I've just realised something. Cold showers seem to work on destimulating humans. I remember Captain Jack making a comment about it once, when he was an image of a naked woman. Or was he with a naked woman? My system is not able to retrieve information any more. Okay... help her, then immediately shower.

Hopefully that'd work.

Hopefully.

"I'll help you," I say. Wait. I can give her money to get a cab home. Then I can carry on finding someone. I stick my hand into my pocket, and pull out some notes. I give it to her.

"Here. For the cab ride," I say. She's not taking it.

"Daddy would go mad if I just went home in a taxi... could I call for him, and we wait in your place? _Please_?" I think she's pouting. Or maybe she's making faces. Or maybe she's a figment of my imagination? I just nod, not really able to do much at this point. I've managed to figure out a way to vent the heat from my chip, but it's only a little bit. I should stop it getting worse. The thing is, my whole body is now recording sensations. This is getting unbearable.

I really need that cold shower.

How can I do this? I need to turn around and get back to the Roof and-

Oh. I'm there already. I guess I managed to do better than I thought... Hold on... I'm in the bedroom. In bed. And the heat has long dissipated, and I have managed to repair the degradation. But what I don't get is how everything has happened so fast. My internal clock is telling me that five seconds have passed. That is impossible. Hang on... all my clothes are by the bed. My jacket. I want my phone, to try and see what the time is, see if there is any clue-

Oh. It's early morning now. Several hours have gone by. I must have been functioning, and making decisions, and nothing recorded. Or is scrambled, and will take time to recover.

I run my hand through my hair, trying to work out what I should do next. I need to get to the Cathedral, and get ready for tonight, because me and Derek need to re-insert ourselves back into the chain of events. Hold on. My mouth tastes weird. And I'm feeling... funky. It seems the correct word. I'd never understood it when I kept on hearing it at school. I guess there is a lot you cannot understand if you aren't human.

Guess I'm now human enough to get things.

What I don't get is the urge to claw my way up the walls. My body is imbalanced. It's like I need something. And my chip has changed structure. For some reason, it now seems to want chemical compounds to enhance operations. I must have encountered something that my system identified as useful. I emit a small whimper. I need those chemicals _badly._ I can feel myself getting angry, for no logical reason. And I'm hungry. And still tired. I roll over, to get back to sleep a little more.

_What?_

_There's someone in my bed._

_And their body temperature is much lower than normal._


	13. And Sweet Revenge Grows Harsh

**And Sweet Revenge Grows Harsh**

_- And eight words the Wiccan Rede fullfil;_

_An it harm none, do what ye will._

_Excerpt from Jane Smith's Blue-Green Book of Shadows._

---------------------------------

I stare at the body in my bed, my hands trembling at the shock of what I'm seeing.

"Get away from the body. Get your clothes, be silent doing so, and get out of the building. For your own safety, get out. _Now._" My head jerks to the left. Who's talking to me? Oh. I know her. She's the tall blonde from the experience I had when I nearly... died? Permanently shut down? In any case, she's there. She said she was connected to my pendant, the one still around my neck. I swallow hard, trying to work out what she, or possibly _it_, is doing here. The blonde moves her head sharply, her attention on the body. She's pointing to my clothes, her index moving to the general direction of the door. Jane made my pendant. She'd made it, to make sure I'd never lose my way. So, it is trying to protect me for some reason. With the greatest stealth I slide myself out from between the sheets. I quickly grab clothes from the pile at my side of my bed. I pause, the equilibrium centres of my cranial systems are out of sync. Either that, or it's my chip again. I'll have to run a diagnostic later.

I'm going without a bra. No time to work it out. Okay, shirt on, v-necked sleeveless sweater, skirt... socks. I need socks to prevent rubbing and potential soreness when wearing shoes or boots. Jacket. I'll need that, because my Sonic Screwdriver is-

"You look good in my clothes," purrs a voice from behind me. I jump, spinning around to see who it is. Oh. Oh no. Oh _no_. It's the body. Except, it would seem that I'm dealing with something not human, which would explain the lower body temperature. Not Metal, though. That I'd know immediately. And I've just managed an optical scan. This is a completely organic individual. Female, mid-teens. Blonde. Naturally long eyelashes strange eyes. Wide and expressive, with a turquoise blue outside, and a cobalt interior. Angular jawline, with a chin with a rounded point.

And all those features are staring at me. Seductively. I think I must have slept with her last night. And I can't simply walk away. I know I should, I need to, I want to, but I can't.

Why can't I?

"However, if you're going to play _that_ game..." She slides effortlessly out of the bed, and walks towards me, completely naked. Her hips are larger than mine, but are gently rounded, swaying as each step brings her closer to me. I feel a sensation stab away inside my chest. I wish my hips were capable of swaying in that way. And I don't know why I have this sudden desire, either. And her breasts are larger than mine, too. I swallow, trying to keep the feelings I have at bay. I watch her scooping up from the floor a cherry red Alice band, and a ribbon. She's doing up the top buttons of the shirt, and sliding the ribbon under the collar. Oh. It goes diagonally over itself, held in in place in the centre. Must be a private school thing, a ribbon instead of a tie. And it feels weird, my hair brushed back and held in place. I look so _different_, dressed like this. Innocent. Completely innocent.

I turn to look at her, the stranger which seems to have the Evenstar pendant so concerned for my safety, but she's not at my side. She's at the stairs of my bedroom, a small smirk on her face, dressed in the same uniform as I'm wearing.

"I always carry a clean set of clothes with me. You never know what _fun_ you might end up having," she says. She's not human. Clearly not Metal... so, the only possibility is that she's somehow supernatural in nature.

But the Time Displacement technology, the way people and machines have been travelling from the future to the past, fighting this insane war for supremacy, has been tearing at the fabric of the universe. I know that the realm of Arcadia, the source of the stories and legends of the Fae, is cut off. The Briar Patch, what is between universes, and the route to Arcadia itself, is poisoned. It's only the areas surrounding this particular universe, but it means that everything _here_ is damaged. I remember Jane commenting once that she hadn't encountered anyone, or anything supernatural or magickal since being exiled here. She never explained fully that story. I wonder now, how her family will feel, their daughter never coming home. I know her mother is dead, and her fiancé, but she had a sister, one obsessed with science fiction...

She'll be at the door, waiting for her sister's return, but it'll never come.

"Why so sad? Your emotions are rolling off from you like a thick fog... pain, grief, anger..." Her eyes widen with realisation. "Oh my. I'm _severely_ out of practice... I now there was a time, when I'd have known when someone was wracked with the loss of one dear and close to them... and I've had exploited it fully." She sighs, a clear mark of regret. I take a step back, my hand outstretched as if ready to throw a stone at her. I focus my thoughts and create a ball of silver light, spinning faster and wilder with each passing moment. I've only ever done this as a trick, an exercise to focus what magic I have inside of me. I was never made to have this ability, this magick. It was an accident, a side effect from touching Jane when she was healing. My organics are now supernatural... and I guess the changes to the machine inside of me are a part of it all.

I glare at the blonde with the entire black-welled core of my hate. If I knew how, I would tear this mockery of chaste innocence to shreds.

"I bet you would... _demon_," I snarl out. It's the only thing that makes sense. Based on the the limited information in the Blue-Green Book, _that_ is a demon. I'm guessing she only put a limited amount in, because she'd only had limited interaction with them. Her reasons I can understand. They are as trustworthy as Metal. I love the look of utter shock on that female face. The fact it can feel shock, and judging by that new expression, fear, makes me feel glad. Nice to know that I'll start giving payback on the forces that decided to steal my girlfriend from me.

"Yes, demon. But you need to hear me out." I snort at this.

"You only tell lies." he hands go out, stretched fully at this.

"Not always, and not about how I got here. I chose you, because you are the first thing with even a hint of the supernatural inside of it. This universe is like a prison. I've tried to get back home, but I can't. There are barriers to that. I'd risk travelling in the Patch, but all the Openings I've found are impossible to use.

"There was a time, when I was powerful and strong, and dedicated to the cause. I followed him relentlessly, because I believed in His message. Truly believed the words of the Morning Star. Time and again I brought success. My hand caused the spilling of blood in Whitechapel, the bullet to go inside Franz Ferdinand, John F Kennedy, my hands on the throttle as my plane smashed into the North Tower of the World Trade Centre... I've killed so many people. And I was returning to Earth to do it again.

"Then things went badly wrong. I managed to hit... something. And I was torn apart. I don't know what happened to the rest of me. I'm guessing I'm the one fragment of my former self that survived. I was hurt, wounded, and in this prison of a dimension. I was dying.

"Lucky for me, I appeared in a hospital. This body was empty. They'd already declared her brain-dead. Now, I may not remember everything of my past, but I know that I was always particular in having a male form. Some belief I had. I think it was utter hatred towards females. But here was a perfect body, about to go to waste. It's amazing the lengths You'll go to survive.

"I went into this vacant shell, and straight away, I saw my mistake. There were still traces of her soul. The accident had violently ripped her soul from her, and I could feel the thin threads that were trailing, no longer holding down a soul, were clawing into me. I found myself trapped. If I'd not been so badly hurt, I'd have felt it. _Smelt_ it. The rotten stink of humanity. So much innocence, chastity and humanity. Whole, I could crush it with ease. But broken, nearly dead... it was impossible for me to do, and believe me, I tried."

I can't help but snigger at her. I think it funny, that a powerful, woman-hating demon could be brought low by what sounds like a crack between universes, and a teenage girl who had been good all her life. No, not funny. Freaking hilarious.

"It's _not_ funny. Do you know what it's like to be what I am, and to _care_? To be unable to just take a life, because you have this filthy humanity repulse you to the act? It's humiliating," she pouts. I just crease up now, unable to keep the ball of energy going now. This is so _funny_... she stamps her foot in annoyance.

"I wonder if your dead lover would take me seriously? Maybe they'd find me preferable to _you_," she sneers. I immediately frown at her.

"She never would," I snarl at her. She smirks back.

"Got you to stop laughing at me," she comments. I look to the floor. She walks up to me, and holds my arms.

"Look, I know that you're hurting, but you need to know... Last night was _amazing_. I mean, the sex and all that usually is... but you... I felt something. You have something, and it's like in those sappy romances. Not love, but..." she hesitates, as if unsure of what to say next. "Look, we need to stick together. Both of us look human, but we're not, right? You're clearly Arcadian or possibly part-Arcadian, based on the hair strand test I did when you were asleep." That last part has my full attention.

"Hair strand test?" I say hesitantly. She gives me a big smile.

"Yeah... you don't know about it, do you? Well, I'll teach you what I can... if you want," she offers. I feel the muscles to my eyelids make them narrow.

"Demons lie," I point out. She just shrugs.

"Not this one," she says. She slides her arms around my waist.

"You know, I used to hate the world, want it destroyed so badly... but now, welded into this body, I can't help but love this world, despite all the people." She looks me in the eye. "Your girlfriend... how did she die? I don't get the impression it was in her sleep or something," she half-whispers.

And it all gushes out, Skynet, Judgement Day, the Future War, my origins, being sent back in time to protect someone important to the resistance, How I got damaged when I was blown up in the Jeep, how I met Jane, the mission in the past where we saved humanity's saviour by protecting his ancestor, how I fell for Jane, that final mission in the factory. My voice just cracks when I get to that part, because it hurts so _bad_, remembering it. Remembering that look on her face when she sent us back, willing to sacrifice herself to keep us safe... All of it. And it feels _good_, letting it all out, saying what I've been keeping in all this time. I kept out details of the Cathedral, simplifying it to just time travel technology that has since been destroyed. I can't bring myself to tell her about the Cathedral. It's too special. That place hold too many memories of her. Not to mention the fact that it's been home to me. And it's a part of who I am. In my genetic coding. In the part of me that's a living girl, and not a machine.

I've a responsibility. To myself, to those I've lost, to those who gave parts of themselves to make up who I am. I am much more than just another Terminator. I've shown that you can become much more than what you started out as. I can't stand the fact I started out as a machine that sought only to kill and destroy. Now, the only things I want to destroy is Metal. I'll find a way to overcome my dirty little secret, and maybe I'll find a way to redeem myself.

I stare at the demon. Maybe she, or rather _it_, can help me deliver sweet revenge harshly.


	14. Perfect Creature

**Perfect Creature**

_- Science now performs miracles like the gods of old. Creating life from blood cells or bacteria or a spark of metal. But they're perfect creatures, and in that way, they couldn't be less human. There are things machines will never do. They cannot possess faith, they cannot commune with god. They cannot appreciate beauty. They cannot create art. If they ever learn these things, they won't have to destroy us. They'll be us._

_Sarah Connor, The Demon Hand._

---------------------------------

"Shooting her won't help."

I have my hands up in the air, trying to calm my would-be attacker, whilst calculating the time and speed needed to go and grab the gun out of her hands. I'm not worried about myself, but a shot in the wrong direction...

"I'm telling you, it's up to something. It was out all of last night. I suggest that we strap it down, and pull it's plug."

I roll my eyes to that.

"You sound like her." Major Shaw frowns.

"Like who?"

"Sarah Conner. The woman I think of as mother."

My reply has stunned her.

In that heartbeat of indecision, I manage to capitalise on it by stepping forward and grabbing her gun, twisting it out of her hands in the eye-blink that only something machine enhanced can. Something I'm not all that happy about. The look of shock, then hate, on her face is a conversation to my in itself. I walk up to her, and stick the gun into my mouth, and pull the trigger.

I feel the bullet slam into my palette, my head jerking backwards with the momentum. I pull it out quickly, and then with a quick movement spit the smashed bullet into her hand. She hisses in pain, and reflexively drops the still hot bullet to the ground, clacking on the surface.

"Coltan wins over lead." I spin on the heel of my foot, and walk away, heading away from the kitchen, and to the medical bay. I need to work out what that overheating was about, and if it'll happen again. And to see if I can get my Wi-Fi back in action-

Wait. Oh. It already is. When did that happen, and why haven't noticed this sooner?

Footsteps behind me. Oh. Derek. I get to the medical bay, ignoring him behind me.

"You know, she's got a point. Your behaviour last night was dangerous. No-one knew where you were, and you didn't have any way to be contacted-"

I interrupt him by pulling out a pink phone. It's a basic model, something given to me, so _she_ could contact me later today. As much as I don't trust that little demon, I need to tap into my full potential. I'll need it if I am to help stop Skynet.

I crush the small part of me that feels sad at that notion, the loyalty commands still hidden away, and active, it seems. But I'll get rid of them. Somehow.

Okay, I need to access my medical files... can I do it by my Wi-Fi... yes. Useful. Okay, I'm in them... Oh. The area that was corrupted, it had files, and the Cathedral has extrapolated and rebuilt them. Looking at those files, I know what they are. Not data, but memories.

Morris and John had been swapping computer discs. They were clearly up to something, so I sat down and studied them. They had clearly been inspired by all of the sex education talks and videos, because they had gone and acquired a number for themselves. I fail to understand their titles, though. I never could work out why they would be called "Busty Babes," "Debbie Does Dallas," to name a couple.

The problem I have is that that area now seems to be a processing system for sexual activity. It's not going to overheat now, by the looks of it, but it _is_ going to compel me to partake in sexual intercourse on a regular basis. Just thinking about the concept, recalling the images of the watched educational films, is making me feel like having sex.

I blink in confusion at the hand appearing in front of my face. Oh. It's Derek I blink repeatedly, trying to work out what I've missed. Oh. I'm still holding in mid-air the pink phone. I put my hand down quickly, trying not to acknowledge the heat rising up in my face.

"Are you there?" he asks. I nod silently once, and tilt my head slightly to the left.

"Sorry, I got distracted by maintenance reports." I pause for a second. "You were saying something?"

He looks completely exasperated at me.

"We need the number to call you if you go off like that again."

"I won't. Unless it's to have random sex."

"_Huh?" I look at him, realising that he knows nothing about what I'm talking about._

"The damage to my chip. It will make me want to have sex on a regular basis."

"_Is this for frakking real?" I turn to the doorway, and gaze at Major Shaw._

"Yes. It is for frakking real." What else can I say? There is no logic in lying. She's looking at me, as if I have gone completely insane. Maybe I have.

"Any other revelations you care to share with us?" she says sarcastically. I don't think she believes me. Or even respects me. I feel this fire inside of me, and this thought, my voice over and over again saying to do it. So I do.

"Yes. I had a package last night telling me I was Skynet, I met an author who is against technology and I ended up sleeping with a demon, although I don't remember that part. Apparently I'm very desirable after performing intercourse," I tell her truthfully, in a deadpan fashion. I see Jack next to her flash a glance at Derek. He then smiles.

"_You know, that reminds me of this one time. In a bar, minding my own business. Who should come over? A Kressatal. Those things have appendages that really stretch your imagination to use creatively," he says with that smile when he's telling one of his stories. I smile back at him._

"Then I should be bad at sex, if it requires imagination. I can't even imagine I'm a cat."

Jack laughs at this, Derek snorts, and the Major looks at me as if I have grown two heads. I feel my mouth twitch, as I try not to laugh at her expression. She shakes her head, and tries to recover her composure.

"So... why did you have sex with a demon?" She clearly had to ask that. I just shrug.

"Because they were there," I reply honestly. Jack just starts to crease up, and I can see Derek try no to lose it as well. It's amazing what you can see from the corner of your eyes.

"Seriously," she insists.

"Because I was malfunctioning, and they happened to be there. The further damage to my chip created a lost area that my repair systems have managed to turn into a sexual desire manifestation subsystem. Now, just thinking of sexual images provides a physical response. It's in my medical file," I add, before walking out.

I walk to my room, the need to be alone pressing down on me. I don't want them to know that I'm replaying over and over in my mind times when I was intimate with Jane. I feel my hand tremble, this time from the pain of remembering. When I'm not having to think of other things, it just comes back to me, stabbing my insides. And now, just thinking of her briefly has brought it all home again. I'll never see her again, or hold her. I hadn't realised until now just how big a hole her death has torn into me. I walk to my room, just simply unable to go into hers, to cry solidly into the pillows. It's the only response I have; to curl up in bed, and to cry. It doesn't make sense.

Except, thinking about it, it _does_... didn't I see all of this when Jordan died? Didn't I? I guess I'm just copying what the other students did, to express the emotion. I should care that I'm not being original, that I'm still being a machine that copies other's behaviour, but I just don't _care_. Why should I? All I want to do is break things apart, scream, hit things, and cry. And I don't understand why I feel this way. I don't understand why she had to die. I know she wasn't perfect, you can't help but see flaws when you sleep with someone, but you end up not caring, even if they have bad little habits that drive you up the wall. The number of arguments we had, because Jane was messy and disorganised, and I was always wanting things perfect and tidy... I wish now I could take all those harsh words back. I just wish I could be living in those times again, and work out a way to keep her alive, keep her with me still, but I know that isn't possible. To me, she was all that was truly beautiful in my life. And that Promethean heat has gone.

As much as it kills me inside to even think it, I know that I'll have to find a way to carry on. I can't kill myself – what about John? About Mom? About Derek? Jack? People _care_ about me, and I'm not going to abandon them. And as strange as it sounds, I don't think she's just gone. After everything I've seen and experienced, I truly believe, despite the concrete evidence, that there is an afterlife. I believe in the Pagan concept of the Summerland. I can't believe in the notion of heaven and hell, because they are absolutes, and I have yet to see evidence of that in the universe. Not in that way.

I have the sudden and irrational urge to practice my Ballet. I just want to show that pain in my dancing, to see if it's not lack of imagination holding me back, but lack of emotional experience. Well, I'm certainly experiencing emotions now. Like anger. It's suddenly flared up again. I feel the phone that's still in my hand. You know, that demon was right. Not completely right, but right, nonetheless. I think that the world is unjust, and unfair. Maybe her idea of putting it all right isn't such a bad one? I review the whole conversation I had with her about it, how she laid down, one by one, the horrors of humanity. And when you come from a future of bleached skulls, and people dining on rats and garbage, how can you come up with an alternative?

How?

I enter my room, and feel the phone slip out of my hand and clatter to the floor.

I can't believe what's on my bed...


	15. Rising To The Occasion

**Author's Note:** I have been keeping tabs on the fate of T:TSCC, and I've known for a while it has been cancelled. My opinion is this: It is annoying, and the whole affair shows us all again why they shouldn't be trusted with television programmes. It is also brilliant, because it means I have no constraints on me. I can effectively go my own way with this.

This is good news for readers, because it means I'm thinking much more outside the box. Skynet cannot be the only source of badness. So... what can possible threaten our favourite Tin Miss? keep reading and find out. ;)

**Rising To The Occasion**

_- People cannot comprehend how much you stand to lose in failure. That you are the instrument of a flawless design. And all of life may hang in the balance. A Hero learns quickly who can comprehend, and who merely stands in your way._

_Mohinder Suresh, Nothing To Hide._

---------------------------------

It seems so strange. I was doing this all just yesterday, cleaning this power plant, but for me, it was so many months ago. Time travel can be quite confusing, I guess. Particularly if it is two-way. I have to admit, I wish it had been closer to the time me and Derek had to be at, in order to re-insert ourselves back into the time-line. All the waiting made it so much more difficult. Although last night pretty much killed me. It was so horrible, being in the house, seeing her. Not to mention the conversation... to want to say so much, to use the opportunity, and to have to let it pass.

And now, I am haunted by thoughts I have been trying so hard not to think about, to not remember her, because if I was to, I wouldn't be able to stop. And I can't allow myself to be distracted. Not when so many lives are at stake. But I can't go on like this. I don't know when, but I'll have to start seriously crying. Because last night was too much. Not to mention the dream...

I just have to get through this day. I just have to keep mopping this floor, and get home. Once home, I can find a way to start crying. It's all I want to do. Just curl up into a ball, and cry. I feel like I am... I guess if I was human, I would feel like I am dying. I can't allow myself to think, because if I start to think, then I'll just think think of all that's happened to me over the past few months. The pain of loss will be nothing compared to the joy I had in those times. Because the happiness will be to much to take. I have to stay unemotional, for the sake of the mission.

I look at the clock on the wall of the office I'm emptying the trash of. Time is dragging, and I still don't understand it. I think part of it is connected to my faulty systems. But the clock is confirming that my internal chronometer is still accurate. My perception is off. For some reason, this time it seems as if the Machine in me is working fine. It's the living girl that is affected. I guess I should be pleased, because it means I am not Metal any more. I can't feel happy when I have lost so much...

This job is boring. It is good that I will not have to do this day in and day out. I will have to make sure that I do well at school. I have to do what it takes to do the best I can in this world. I'm so glad I went to the trees outside our home before coming to the plant this morning. I needed to talk to someone. Especially after last night. There is so much pressure pressing against my chest, wanting to burst out. So much has happened to me – too much. It _hurts_, knowing the road ahead, and not being able to give out a simple warning, to say what's going to happen. Except I couldn't. I couldn't cause more damage to the universe. Time is so fragile, because of the Future War. This war is taking too many people, stealing good, caring individuals, and we need them. _I_ need _her_. I can still remember the silkiness of her hair from the last time we slept together. I couldn't resist stroking it. She was so amazing. I should have had a lifetime with her. _She_ should have have had a longer life. She deserved it. She _earned_ it. She wasn't perfect. She was in over her head, just like the rest of us. But she held us together. Even though she knew what was coming, what fate had prepared for her, she still went ahead. After seeing her last night, I know how she knew that she was going to die horribly, alone.

She found out through me.

I caused a paradox.

Oh. it's time for my break. I walk out of the complex, and to a little corner I know of, because I have been hearing so many conversations. And I need to come here, to calm down. I press my back against the wall, and get out a cigarette. I'm feeling so very funky right now. And ever since that demon hybrid used me, I've been physically addicted to smoking. I strongly dislike the taste in my mouth. I don't like the smoke, or the smell. But my chip is using some of chemicals and the nicotine to enhance function. And it calms me down. None of this makes sense, and I'm alone in all of this. I can't talk to anyone about the changes in my body. No-one will understand. No-one.

"Your presence still lingers here, and it won't leave me alone," I sing out unexpectedly. Jane was singing it, completely drunk when Jack had triggered her heavily suppressed memories of Luke. I only know of him from the few thing she said about him, and the bits that appeared in her Blue-Green Book when it wanted me to talk about him with her. I didn't like to talk about him. His death was a massive trauma for her. Even though it had been years, and she was in love with me, she still loved him. I knew she had let go, and was in the present, but she still loved him.

"These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just to real, there's just too much that time cannot erase-"

"Hey, cool song."

I jump, dropping my cigarette onto the ground. I look at the middle-aged balding guy who has just appeared. He seems embarrassed.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you," he apologises. I just shrug, and and tread on my cigarette. It is all I can do to keep back my tears.

"No harm, no foul," I say to him. I heard Derek say that to Jack in a conversation a couple of months back. Before the mission. Before the fight to destroy the Terma-Domes and the Clockwork Droids. Before Jane tricked us into the Cathedral, and sealed the doors, leaving her to the Machine that had broken through the room's ceiling, and proceeded to smash her head into the window. What she did was suicide. And I know that she knew it, and it scared her.

She didn't want to die.

"What were you singing, anyway?" he asks. I certainly seem to have made him curious.

"It's a song that my girlfriend listened to when she wanted to remember a guy who she had been with." my voice is about to break with emotion. I pause a second.

"They were in a car crash. She survived, he didn't."

"Jeez... that's _harsh_. At least she has you now-"

"She's dead. Killed in Action." I just have to interrupt him.

"Everyone's song end at some point," he murmurs. I can tell he's trying to change the subject.

I need to have something in my hands to play with. I get out a familiar cylindrical object, and feel pain stab my chest some more. I remember when I first found it, when me and Jane had first found the Cathedral of Time. She'd called it that for me, because I was seeing everything as a fairy-tale at the time. She never did tell me what its original name is. She did once refer to the Cathedral as Time and Relative Dimension In Space, though. I can remember picking up the Sonic Screwdriver in my hand, and how it felt like it was a part of me.

It still does.

"Odd thing you have there." His vocal patterns indicate he's desperately trying to change the subject. I give him a lop-sided smile, despite my sadness.

"It is. Found it once." I check the time. "I need to get back," I say, when I see I'll be late back if I don't run. I quickly grab a pen from his pocket, and write on his hand the name of the song, and the band name. I hand him back the pen before I start to run back to my work-shift.

"Hey, thanks," he calls after me. I keep running, giving him a thumbs up as I rush away. I barely get back to my shift in time. Which is a good thing, given my supervisor wants me now to clean up a spill in a main corridor. I simply nod to her and go away to clean it. It's better than sticking my middle finger up at her, which is what I feel like doing. I feel in a bad mood suddenly for some strange reason. And I have stomach cramps. I think. I've used the relevant system diagnostic to assess my organics. The problem is that my diagnostic is telling me to not warn the tadpoles. Either this is a coded alert I no longer understand, or it is malfunctioning. Or maybe there _are_ tadpoles out to get me.

It just proves that my day sucks. Big time.

I just get started mopping when I hear in the distance someone running. Sounds like Mom. Yes, now the footsteps are closer, I can tell it's Mom.

"Greenway. He's been replaced by Machine." I keep on mopping, trying to work out what to do. He is very senior. It's going to be very difficult to eliminate the replacement. There are too many security cameras about. But we can't do nothing...

"Did you hear me? Greenway has control of the plant, and he's a Machine." Keep mopping. There is an answer to this, I just have to find it...

"Hey!" I feel her hand pull at my shoulder with vigorous force. I stare at her, eye to eye.

"You _alive_ in there?" stay calm. Don't show emotion. Not in front of her. Mom wouldn't understand. I'll have to tell her the truth. Anything else will make things worse.

"I'm thinking about what to do." I manage to keep my voice fairly neutral, though I cannot help but shout to try and be heard over the noise of the machinery. She looks at me, sceptical confusion reigning over her face.

"Since when do _you_ do _that_?" I cannot work out is she's asking me a question, demanding an answer from me, or trying to work out what is going on with me. What? Oh... an alarm. I have a feeling this is a very bad situation development... I see a small group of men rushing past us. Definitely bad...

"What's going on?" Mom shouts at the men. One of them bothers to respond to her.

"Turbine building! One of the valves' sprung a leak!" He shouts back at her. Of _course_... replace Greenway, and then cause the reactor to meltdown, causing a Skynet victory. I should have thought of this eventuality... his death is my fault. Mine. I feel fear paralyse my muscles, seize up my servos... I don't want to die. I don't.

"Go fix it!" She shouts at me. My food processing system feels like hurling up all the food inside it. I am scared. More scared than when we were being ordered to surrender in the factory. More scared than I've ever been. And yet, never more sure of my response.

Everyone's song ends. But not today. Not _today._ Because I refuse to let it happen.

In the time it takes for a human heartbeat, I have stared at my fear, and have walked away from Mom, the legendary Sarah Connor, dropping the mop in the process. I wait until she's run back to the control centre before I break out into a run, desperate to get to the reactor core. A couple of guards see me, and move to intercept me. But I'm prepared for this eventuality. I whip out of my pocket a slightly battered black leather wallet, and open up its blank insides for them to see.

"Health and Safety! Undercover Division!" I scream at them, not stopping. Of course, the whole thing is heavily glamourised, so they are seeing whatever I want them to see. Where do need to go? It is a good thing I uploaded schematics for the layout of the whole power plant. And I've managed to get calculated the most direct route. I just need to quicken my pace-

Oh.

_Oh..._

There is a security door in front of me. And I only made one copy of the security pass needed to get through this... And Mom has it... my eyes gaze over the lock device. A small smile creeps over my face. I can pick this lock...

I get out the familiar cylindrical device out of my pocket. Which setting? Yes... That'll do it... The end is extending out, the end glowing bright blue. The whirring sound increases in pitch as it alternates between frequencies. And... there. I grab the door as the security system allows me through. I put my Sonic Screwdriver back into my pocket and rush into the next room. Oh. They... Okay, ignore it. I have to ignore the barrels of radioactive material. If I was fully human, I would probably be deeply panicking now... Okay, keep running. I have to get there. Have to...

There. There is the valve. I just hope I can close it in time...


	16. Echoes Of The Past

**Echoes Of The Past**

"You're watching this, which means that all my efforts to stay alive have gone somewhat skew-whiff."

The holographic image of Jane Smith is sitting down on on my bed,crying. And I cannot help but cry, also.

"I'm so sorry for this, I really am. I've done all I can to prevent it, I really did. I know how badly you're feeling right now. It's this huge tear inside of you. The agony... I tried to stop you suffering, I really did." She wipes away the tears, and sniffles. "I also have to apologise about the Cathedral. I can't let you have it, but it's because you're not... You're part Lord of Time. But you're not alien enough. The Cathedral doesn't recognise you. It recognises me, because all that alien DNA is active inside me. I just wish that you could have it, I really do. So, I've gone and modified Emergency Protocol One. I needed the others to think that it's time to abandon ship. The reality is that it'll go back to eighteen eighty-eight, and wait for me. You know I've gotten out of tight spots before now, and I'm just hoping that somehow, I'll survive.

"But that means you'll be without a means of two-way time travel. There's a store room that no-one can get to. Not Derek, not Jack, and not this Chinese woman I keep seeing. If the visions are holding true, you'll have another arriving soon, if she's not already there. This store room is only accessible by you. Inside is enough equipment and parts to build your own capsule. I doubt you'll have much space – not in Cathedral terms, anyway. But you'll be able to create... I dunno, a Chapel as opposed to a Cathedral. You're helped me repair and maintain the Cathedral. You know the systems.

"Also, you'll be re-inserting yourself back into the chain of events. This is very, _very_ important. To carry forward, for things to be right, you have to let me go. And this will be the hardest thing for you to do, I know. But you'll understand, I know.

"Oh, and another thing... be careful. I've seen things, terrible things, and they centre around you. This guy, in a factory, or something like that. Smoking? I dunno. But he keeps turning to me and says that your song is coming to an end. And I've seen you in an explosion, or explode... I can't get a background. I don't have the faintest clue if it's going to happen, or some fear I have for you... But you have to be careful.

"One last thing. I know that you're feeling awful, but if I haven't survived, then you have to be there for John. He needs you. You have to tell him that it's okay. He's not evil if he's fighting for himself and his mother to live. He has great potential. Help him to become the great and noble leader this planet needs. Oh, and Sweetpea... Be all you can be. Embrace life." A small, cheeky smile appears on her face, her eyes twinkling with mischief and tears. "Don't stop singing."

I just stare, unable to move. The image fades away, and I'm suddenly alone. The dress... She'd made the recording just before we'd gone to that Ball. Before we'd learnt about the Clockwork Army, and the Legion of Terma-Domes. She must have been preparing everything for a while...

And on my bed are the clothes and weapons I had when I had patrolled the woods with Derek, when we had found her, badly wounded from that... _creature_. She thought it was Arcadian... but I don't know.

I hear footsteps behind me. I don't recognise them... Oh. There is JJ walking past in a bright pink bra, and pink underwear. No, not JJ. The Metal sent to replace her. How did they get that thing to work again? Jack is coming up the corridor. I watch as I see him look at her, annoyed, turn her around and tell her to go back to his room. He looks at me sheepishly.

"Well... you have to admit it was a waste of potential..." I frown at him.

"How did you repair its chip?" He smiles at me.

"Didn't. I created a new one after your chip." I suddenly feel like throwing up.

"But my chip is damaged..."

"Yeah... but it also is quite a design, though... I just stabilised it." he looks up the corridor after her. "Still working out the bugs in her programming."

"It might be disorientated," I say to him. "After the Jump, I needed time to adjust. It had effected me. It might be the same thing for it."

"Really? You ended up walking around in your underwear?" I just nod to him. I close the door, and we walk towards his room.

"So... you shacked up with a demon," he says as shouting begins to get loud and nasty behind us. I look up at him, not certain about what I should say.

"Everything has gotten very confusing," I confess. Jack just chuckles.

"You know, that's a good way to describe my life... so much has happened, and in the end, it's confusing." he places a hand on my shoulder.

"Let you in on a little secret: Life is confusing for everyone." I can tell from his expression he's going to change the subject. "So... what was it like? Being with a demon?" He smiles slightly. "Things get a little scorched?" I just close my eyes and cringe at his words. I feel deeply embarrassed. The shouting is continuing behind us. I think it's gotten louder.

"It's reminding me of when me and Jane had arguments..." I look at Jack suspiciously. "Have they ended up together?"

"No, but I reckon it's just a matter of time. Particularly as the Major looks exactly like an old girlfriend of his. Apparently she was the XO to a submarine that was part of an anti-Skynet naval fleet," he explains.

"Jesse." Of course... His initial confusion when she first appeared... It makes sense now...

"Look, you want some advice? Go out and have a lot of sex. Chat people up, make friends, whatever works for you. Because you need to be comfortable being with someone else. You need to get on with your life."

"But I cannot do that! That's an insult to-"

"She'd dead."

I look away, the words crushing me.

"She didn't want you to stay lonely. She loved you. She wants you happy."

"How do you – Oh." She left him a message as well...

"The problem with people is that they die. If not by accident or murder, then by growing old." We have both stopped walking, and he's brushing a hand through my hair. I hold on to it, my eyes tightly shut, desperately remembering her touching me, and wanting it again so badly.

"She wanted me to look out for you. Because I'm different. I'm not like everyone else. And you know it." He lifts my chin up. "So don't be afraid to go out there, and live life to the full. It's what she wants."

I close my eyes. I can't cry. I'm not allowed to. I have to keep going, keep on... I don't know. I don't _care_. I'm going to lock up all of the pain and the hurt. I'm going to make myself strong. I have to be strong. For John. Because she's right. He need to be ready. He needs to be the General. He has to be made into the man I remember. No, better. And I can do it. I _will_ do it. And I _shall_. Because I realise that it is needed. How can I do it, though? Wait... if I have my own version of the Cathedral, I'll be able to use it to find people coming through. Because the Time Lock is failing. I remember seeing the readings when I got in. The whole system is in disrepair. Jane had put it in place a system to prevent the Time Displacement technology from working. But it was put in place over a hundred and twenty years ago... and she's no longer around to maintain it.

I'll just have to create a new system. And use my version of the Cathedral to keep filtering the temporal damage, to repair the universe. Because every time the technology is used to move individuals through time, it tears at the fabric of reality.

It is my duty. Because when I ended up having all of the Arcadian genetics inside of me, I also ended up with other DNA. Alien DNA. DNA from the race that built the Cathedral of Time. It is inside of me.

It means that the matter of time is my duty. I have to work towards preventing Judgement Day.

It is my destiny.


	17. The Predator

**Author's Note:** This will be the last part I am putting up.

Due to circumstances out of my control, I will be unable to add any more parts online after today.

But, like Arnie loves to say, "I'll be back."

The local library is upgrading its entire network next week, and I'm giving them most of it to sort it out. I'm also wanting to get the next few parts ready before I post more. The next part should be up around the 23rd July. And its a feature length "episode." As has been started in this part, a LOT of unresolved plot threads from "Balance of Power" are resolved in the next part, and if you've not read "Balance of Power"... you will still need to read it. Because things between Cameron and John will never be the same again.

You don't need lots of fighting, or big events to have a major change in your life. Sometimes a letter will do...

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**The Predator**

"So... This is how your adventure began," Jack comments. It is a shame that Major Shaw could not be here, but she needs to stay behind; she's still healing up, and we need a person inside the Cathedral to stop it from dematerialising. Jack has a plan to look through the store rooms, the labs, to take whatever equipment might be useful. He's talking about creating a team to not just fight Skynet but to protect and prepare Earth for the future, for when First Contact happens. Jane had told us all, when trying to explain things to Sarah Connor, the Victorian ancestor of Mom and John, that First Contact was just a few decades away. I believe, though, that she simply made it up; because she once told me, one night when we were lying together, that she'd not gone too far into the future, because she was scared that Skynet would learn of the Cathedral, and try to destroy it, or take it for its own use.

We need the Cathedral to stay put, though, because I have to built that... I guess it could be called a Chapel of Time, because I will never manage to make it as big as the Cathedral is. On the inside, of course. As much as the thought of losing the Cathedral hurts me all the more, the thought of building the Chapel, and having it as my own ship though time and space fills me with... excitement. Yes, it is excitement I am feeling. I have no idea how it will come together, but I know it will. I know I should be focussing on what is about to happen, but I can't. It makes me feel very unsettled, and I need to have my focus. I just hope that all I need is one bolt. I wish we had been able to secure a rapid fire crossbow, but we didn't have time. I'll just have to reload quickly. And aim well.

I glance at the JJ copy, crouched, scanning silently the surroundings. I turn to Jack.

"Does the Metal have a name?" I ask quietly. He looks at me, confused. I point to the Machine with my thumb. I don't like it being here, but we need all the help we can get. Jane ended up fatally wounded by the creature, causing her to Regenerate. It's something she gained from being partly Lord of Time. It's very unstable in a hybrid, but for a Lord of Time, death isn't necessarily the end. If it is very, very quick, then there won't be time for Regeneration. The ability to repair and rebuild their bodies. The thing is, it also changes their appearance, and alters their personalities somewhat. It didn't for Jane, though. It made her body go back to a set point in her life, where her body was covered with strange tattoos, and holes for multiple piercings. And affected her memory. It gave her amnesia.

"I was kinda leaning towards Poppy myself," he confesses. I see the Machine look at us, and frown in confusion.

"I don't understand. What is the significance in having a name?" I glare at her, resisting the urge to tear the things head off. I can't help but feel disgust at seeing it, being near it.

I hate Skynet.

Truly hate it.

"It's part of who you are. Make you individual." the thing's head tilts sideways to the right slightly, it's eyes to the ground, thinking.

"But there are many individuals named 'Poppy,' it is a common name," it says. It's eyes look up at me. "So is Cameron. How can you can you be individual if there are other females with the name of 'Cameron?' it makes no sense." Resist it, resist the urge to hit the Machine....

"It is a part of the things that make you unique," I say, unable to completely hid the irritation in my voice.

"But I am not designed for uniqueness," it says, still confused. "I am built according to specific parameters from mass-produced components-"

"And what about your brain? Your Neural processor? Is _that_ standard?"

"Not for my design, however it is based around your processor. A standard design." I snort at that one.

"My chip is damaged, and has been repairing itself. Badly. Certainly far from standard." I can see it look puzzled and concerned. It looks at Jack.

"Why did you use a flawed design?"

"It was what I had available. Not to mention it'll allow you to become more unique," he says softly, still scanning the area, his revolver at the ready. I feel reassured by my crossbow...

"But this does not make sense... everything is built to be the same. Machines, Cybernetic Life-Forms, Humans-"

"Yeah, but humans are build the same was as a guideline. But after that, there is always some variation."

"But-"

"_Always," Jack reinforces this point with a finality of tone. My head jerks at a sudden sound. I stay utterly silent as I see the past versions of me and Derek appear next to the past version of the Cathedral. We all watch as the past plays out, me and Derek investigate, and then leave the Cathedral behind, and then run back towards it, in my arms a critically wounded Jane Smith in a torn and bloody Cheerleader's outfit. There. I know where the Predator is, I cannot see it visually. Wait... a vague outline. It has a camouflage a lot like my Cloak. Imbued with Glamours to affect perception. Its slamming itself into the side of the Cathedral, trying to get in. I try to aim, but it is moving too much. I want to get a good aim. Because I need to get the Cold Iron to penetrate deep into the Predator, and poison it._

The Cathedral dematerialises, and the Predator stops. It has this low rumbling growl, a hungry hiss at the end. It starts to sniff the air; a long, heavy noise with it intaking air with its mouth as well as its' nose. And a sickening sound in the process.

The bolt sails through the air, hitting the target perfectly in the side. It shrieks, a sinew scraping noise that makes my back shudder and start to pull my shoulders together backwards. I work towards re-arming. That has to be top priority. I have another one loaded up before it starts to come for us.

Another bolt flies through the air, and hits its right forelimb. I can tell, because of the disruption to the perception cloak. But as another bolt goes from my hands to the crossbow, I know something bad. Really bad.

The creature isn't fazed by Cold Iron. Whatever it is, it certainly isn't Arcadian. And this makes me worried.

Jack is firing his revolver, the bullets firing out with sharp cracks deafening the air. Some hit, and they make it stop for a moment, rearing up onto its hind-legs and with its head thrown back, it emits a screeching snarl that makes me shiver for no logical reason.

Derek has his gun aimed, clearly ready for a perfect shot. And the Machine is staring at the the oncoming creature, trying to assess what to do. I glare at it as I slide another bolt into the mechanism.

"Don't just stand there, _fight_!" I shout at it. The Machine just stares at me.

"I don't have any information in my databases about combat," it says. It seems slightly confused by the situation. The Predator lunges forwards, and my shot goes wide as it swings its head squarely into me, throwing me up in the air, and into a thick tree trunk. The tree groans in protest from the sudden impact. Gravity takes hold of me again, and I feel the air flowing past my face. With as much grace and skill as I can manage, I try to land on two feet. My right foot succeeds, but my left gives out, and I stumble to the ground. I abandon the crossbow, and run forward, hoping that my leg isn't damaged. Derek is now firing at point blank range, flat out on the floor, and using both hands to steady the gun.

No... with a downward swipe, it tears into Jack, deep lines of red on his front. That thing must some powerful claws... because it has just slashed him badly. My body moves forwards without me thinking, arms out to catch him. He lands on the floor, eyes open, blood trickling out of his mouth. I don't need to check to know that he's dead.

With as much rage and fury as I can manage, I create as big and powerful silver sphere of energy, and sent the crackling ball of light towards it. It seems to affect the creatures' ability to stay invisible. I launch myself at the head, gripping hard one of the bolts. I swing down, and impale the top of the skull with it. The Predator shrieks, and my hand grips hard, as I pull out one of my guns, and fires at the head at point blank. Shot after shot, deafening crack after deafening crack, until my gun is empty of ammo, and it finally staggers backwards, and falls to the ground, pinning me down in the process. My head slams the ground, and I feel something jar loose inside of it. I can't move... my arms are pinned down. And I cannot squirm my way free...

This is annoying.

And... And I killed this creature. It was a predatory creature, but I still killed it... and in rage and that was so wrong... I feel bad about it. A heaviness inside my chest. Tears well up and blur my vision. I see the Machine walk up beside me, staring at me in confusion. My ears register a gasp for air. My head turns, confirming that Jack is breathing again. The Machine is staring at him, head slightly tilted.

"The wounds were fatal. I checked him myself." I chuckle, despite how I am feeling. I hear someone joining me in that chuckle.

"Well, I'm certainly not a standard human design," Jack Harkness says painfully.


	18. Closed Circle

**Closed Circle**

_- Funny thing is, this means you've always known how I was going to die. All the time we've been together, you knew I was coming here. The last time I saw you, the real you, the future you, I mean... you turned up on my doorstep with a new haircut and a suit. You took me to Darillium to see the singing towers. What a night that was! The towers sang, and you cried. You wouldn't tell me why, but I suppose you knew it was time. My time. Time to come to the library..._

_Professor River Song, The Forests Of The Dead_

---------------------------------

I take a last drag of my cigarette, wishing I could do something to that demon that would make her suffer. It is because of her I now have to smoke regularly, and I don't want to. And I wish I could remember what had happened between us, because I am certain that whatever happened between us, because it seems to have been rough. My organics are showing up bruises, and... parts of me feel like they've been misused.

I throw down and tread on the end, before hiding it in the carton. I don't want any of them to know. I smooth down my top, having just changed in the woods as quickly as possible. Derek is helping with the transport of the two creatures. I'm to go back, and prevent suspicions being raised. I hope my glamours hold up, and hide the massive bruising my back is gaining from being thrown into that tree. Not to mention my muscles feeling stiff... When I was – well _physically_ one of... _them_ – I didn't have these problems. Since the time I accidentally was hit by the energy wave that rewrote and integrated my organic and cybernetic components, I've sustained injuries to my flesh more easily. I never bruised before. It still takes a lot of force for me to suffer injuries, but it is still not a pleasant experience...

My booted feet walk up to the back door, an I watch my hand open the door, feeling the coldness of the metal handle. That _is_ one good thing of being more integrated... The sensations... What? John is arguing with someone at the front door. I quietly walk to it, listening in.

"I _don't_ know how your new address was in the school database! Does it matter? I'm just here to give you all of the work you've been missing. John, stop acting like some retarded... _freakazoid_!"

That voice... I know it... It _cannot _be... I swallow hard. She really is amazing, and I should have realised that she'd somehow find a way to escape the explosion in the factory she had stayed behind to ensue, to destroy the Victorian Skynet we had discovered, and managed to find a way to get back to the present... to me. That woman, that impossible woman... That's so like Jane... So like her...

I run to the door, and I see her, at the front door in a cheerleaders outfit from school, and John is frowning at her. She notices me in the corner of her eye, and turns to half look at me.

"Cameron, can you tell your brother not to be so paranoid? Sheesh... " She's rolling her eyes, looking very exasperated. I swallow again, as my food processor feels heavy and wants to make me throw up. I can tell. Looking at her, I can tell.

This is Jane, but not _my_ Jane... This is her at some point before we ended up finding her in the woods. In short, I've had the adventure she has yet to go to, and by the looks of it, it will be very soon.

So she hasn't escaped and survived. She hasn't done the impossible.

She... she _died._

I fight back my tears, and resist the urge to be sick. Because, for the world to be kept safe, I have to let her die. My girlfriend for my brother. My mother. My uncle. My friends.

Everyone.

I... I have to let her go.

And I hate myself for that.

"John," I say to him with a smile on my face, "She isn't out to kill us. She's just a cheerleader from school."

"I _know_ that... but how did she-"

"He has problems with females. He probably has a crush on you, but is too afraid to do anything. You two could go to the Prom together." Prom... it would be so nice to dance with her at that... but it'll never happen. But I have to keep it together. Have to.

"I don't have a crush on you Amethyst," John says to her. What did he just call her? Oh. Another name change. She created a new identity, to blend in. Why Amethyst, though? I guess I'll never know.

"He has no date to the Prom," I blurt out, enjoying the distraction of seeing John squirm. Seeing him squirm is making sure I'm not thinking of...

"With his social skills, hardly a surprise," she quips. This seems to sting him.

"I wouldn't waste my time with an airhead." The look on her face is that of anger. I can see her pale face redden and heat up, her breathing more heavy. Her nose is twitching uncontrollably. I know what that means... she's furious.

"John, being with an airhead would be good for you. You have a habit of replacing oxygen for pigheadedness," I have to get him to argue with me. Because I don't think this argument is meant to happen. But then I cannot see into the future like she can. Somehow, she saw her own fate, her own death.

I don't want her to die. I don't want to die, either.

If I can get her to live somehow...

But I cannot let humanity die.

I cannot live without her. I do not know how to. I also know I cannot live in a world of bleached skulls, and metal soldiers. Not again. And I don't want John to, either. Or Derek, or Mom... or Morris at school, or Cheri Westin, even those girls who like calling me a Bitchwhore. She dies to save the past, and it is up to me to build the future. But it has to be more than simple choices. This fight may have started thousands of years in the future, and been many Skynets and Connors fighting over the generations... but I'm here now, by his side.

That's a change. In poker, a wild card.

I need to do something radical, different. Something that John or Skynet have never thought of. Could never have thought of. Maybe that is the real reason the Future John sent me back. Maybe he saw this possibility.

"Oh, the secretary told me to hand this to you, seeing as I was coming here anyway," Jane, Amethyst – whatever she wants to call herself now – is handing me a bag. I know that bag. I remember it.

"_You will. When this war is over. I'll help you. I promise. We'll do magic together. I'll even start making my_

_own book, if you give me my bag back." she looks at me, confused._

"_Which bag?"_

"_The one with my dress, and the books I bought. When we first met." She seems even more confused._

"_But I've already given it-" She stops, then her eyes widen. It's like she's realised something. In a heartbeat, though, she's put on this face I know is masking her true feelings._

"_Well, I'm sure you'll get it at the right time. It's not here. But you'll get it. I promise." I look at her, trying to_

_understand what she's hiding. She quickly looks away, her eyes on both Derek and Jack._

That's why she never gave me my bag... because she already gave it to me. I fake a smile.

"Thanks. I thought I had lost it." I try to sound relieved, to keep up the act for John. I have this feeling, though... As if things are not yet fully slotted into place.

"It's okay. Your homework is in there as well, by the way. Anyhow, I need to get home, so... see you two tomorrow," she says, shoving the books into John's hands, turning on her heals and starts to walk away. She bumps into a guy. Very thing, young, balding... and he is in a very well made suit. And he has a package. Why is he checking his watch? My hand carefully goes for my gun. He smiles nervously at Jane/Amethyst.

"Are you by chance Amethyst Chatrek?" he says in an unsteady, educated voice. She nods her head. He swallows hard, as if he's encountering something impossible.

"I don't believe it... Well, I've just won a hundred and fifty dollars." He seems shocked, and pleased.

"My firm has held this package for over a hundred and fifteen years. Our client told us to deliver it to this address, at precisely nine fifty-eight on this day. She said that we were to hand it to an Amethyst Chatrek, and that you are to open it immediately. You need to give letters to people right away." He offers her the package, and she warily accepts it.

"How could she know that she would be here at this time? We only just moved in here," John points out. The man is looking at him, wide-eyed.

"It has been a mystery at our firm. I was opened just once, and what Mr. Hollis saw in it apparently made him go pale, and silent. He never spoke about the contents. He died with that secret. And he was adamant that we deliver it." Amethyst opens it, methodically and slowly.

"If you don't mind, I would like to see what the contents are. It's not something you witness every day," he says with nervous excitement. She just nods, more interested in opening it. She removes the wrapping, and lifts the lid of the box. She frowns in confusion.

"There are letters... Now I'm getting freaked," she says. "How the hell can she know you two are here? Or that Mr. Hollis would open the box?"

"Why do you say that?" the man asks. She hands him a letter. He pales at the envelope.

"I see your point," he agrees. She shows me and John the letter. Addressed to Mr. Hollis. I open up my envelope, trying to work out who could possibly be writing to me from so long ago-

Oh. That makes sense...

_Reginald Hollis,_

_You really shouldn't be reading this. I paid a hefty fee for efficiency and discretion. So kindly put it all back in the box, and never talk of its contents. And I know you looked at all of it, including the photographs. They have to go to their respective people. _

_With Regards,_

_Sarah Delaney. _

John looks at it, and frowns.

"What photos?" I look at Amethyst, who is picking out some large hand-made envelopes. Who is Sarah Delaney? I have never heard of-

Oh. I remember this photo, when we took the stupid thing. Jane – Amethyst, whatever – she had been obsessed with having everything perfect. She never explained what made it perfect, or why it had to be perfect. She is looking at it, completely bewildered, sliding a glance at me. I work my hardest to ensue that my look is that of confusion as well. I cannot give her any information, or betray the established events. I want to so badly, though.

"God... You two girls are in it," our messenger says, shocked. As impossible as it is, I can _feel _ John's eyes staring at me. It feels like... lasers. Yes, it feels being attacked by laser beams. And _she's_ staring at me, too. I can see her at the corner of my eye, looking at me with this searching, worried gaze. I think she's suspecting, or possibly even figuring things out. I hope she doesn't ask me any questions... It would be too much for me to have to lie to her... Please, I don't want to lie to her...

"This is completely weird... because the guy in the long coat is an actor in my- and that actor has a World War Two coat on."

"What's a 'Police Box?' There's one in the background," John says. She's looking at the background, the expression showing it is the first time she's seen it in the photo. I remember her being so insistent that the Cathedral be in the background. We all thought it was a horrible idea, and Jack had offered to take off his coat, to not endanger the time-line. She had been obsessed in us all posing for a group picture. She turns her head to look at John.

"It's a British thing. Back in the nineteen sixties, or earlier, even. Back when phones were not really common. You needed the Police, you could call for help in one. They were also made to be able to hold criminals, for collection later."

"So this is a picture from the nineteen fifties?" the solicitor asks, completely confused. "But it has been in our possession for over a hundred and ten years!"

"That's the thing... This is Southampton before nineteen thirty. Because they blew up the walls either side of the Bargate in that year. Not to mention that there are differences to the present day. They had to repair and replace stone, and the lions got new plinths..." She seems genuinely confused by what she is looking at. Her eyes suddenly widen, her hands moving the image closer, as if she will see it better.

"_WHAT_?! Those bits are-" she stops, as if catching herself. She looks up, as if her entire world has been turned upside down. John has quickly flipped his copy over, and is seeing something. He looks up at Amethyst.

"Have you looked at the back yet?" She glances at him, and turns it over. Her face grows even more bewildered, her doll-like features screwed up by the reaction. She runs a hand through her jet back hair, shaking her head slightly in disbelief.

"How... 'The one you are looking for. She is Fenes'tol.' Huh? I'm not looking for anyone... " I close my eyes, my memory taking me back to when we were in the police station, so long ago for me...

"_I'm clever... because we'd be running out of time about now. But I sped up the possibilities. Fenes'tol._

_Why that word, though?" Amethyst says in a whisper, her mind racing._

"What gets me is how she can use a word that only four people know of..." she continues, her brow deeply furrowed from frantic frowning. "That the hell is the connection?" she murmurs. The past keeps on flooding back to me...

"_Fenes'tol... What connection is there?" Jane whispers, staring at the floor. She looks up at me and Jack. She looks at me, her face flashing realisation._

"_It means _prostitute_! You're right Cameron!" She passionately whispers. I look at her, feeling confused._

"_I have never heard that word before, though," I inform her. She looks at me, as if I have gone mad, then looks to the right, her head tilting forwards something. She's thinking. She looks at me a gain, eyes filled with understanding._

"_You're right. Because I went back. So this is the first time you've heard the word, and explains how you could know a word in a language only four people know." Jane takes a step back, looking at me in shocked horror._

"You_ only knew because _I_ just told you... Paradox." Her eyes are getting tearful. She quickly takes the file from Jack, and turns from us. Jack is looking at her as I scan her vitals. I don't understand her body properly, but if it was human, I would assess it as distressed. Jack walks behind her._

"_What's the matter?" he asks in a low tone. I tilt my head to look at her face, hoping to catch her in the eye. Oh. She's crying. She hastily wipes them away._

"_Look, we have to act fast. No time to dwell on such boring things like fate..." she looks at us both, her eyes slightly puffy, but serious._

"Prostitute. It means prostitute," I say softly. Her head snaps up at me, shocked.

"What? No it doesn't- Well, there isn't a word in that language for prostitute, we never needed it... I guess you could use it to suggest prostitute, but it's a bad translation-" She stops suddenly, and I see her bright green eyes narrow.

"How do you know _that_?" she murmurs, almost wonderingly. She looks in the box, to try and find some form of answer. She pulls out four letters.

"One question," she says to our messenger, "What is your name?" He looks at her, startled.

"Sorry! I forgot to say, and give identification! It's just that... this is so unusual, I forgot." He fumbles around in his pocket, and gets out his wallet. He pulls out a card.

"Arnold Winston. Then you need this," she says, handing each of us one. He is looking at her, with shock.

"Look, _none_ of this makes sense to me, either. Although..." she looks like she's thinking hard.

"Based on the pic, it's like I'm being given a message, and if I didn't know any better, I'd say it was myself. Because the pic, all of this... it's classic me. But this isn't my handwriting, and not the way I say things." She's indicating Reg Hollis' letter. Oh... I remember...

"_You'll end up with me asking some questions. Answer them as you wish, but you can't let on that you know me. Because that would be bad," Amethyst says. "Also, don't forget to follow my instructions, or else we won't be able to find you in time." Sarah nods. Amethyst wraps her arms around her and gives the taller woman a warm hug._

She only knew how to find John's great-great-great grandmother, because she had gotten her – also called Sarah – to create this package, telling her the exact time and place she would be here. The memories slot into place, as the realisation crystallises all the strangeness of her behaviour...

"_Leave her be. She needs to be alone," Jack says to me. I turn to face him._

"_But-"_

"_Here's something you all don't realise: she herself has admitted to being stuck inside a Paradox. She's in a kinda time loop that's yet to sort itself out. If she were, as you lot call him, The Lord of Time, then it'd be different. She'd have the training and the knowledge to work out a quick and effective solution. But she's not from that world. She's lived all her life on Earth, as a human. She's then ended up on this crazy journey, like Alice down the rabbit hole. Give her time to sort herself out. Besides," he adds, clearly sounding a bit hurt, "If you go now, you'll never have the chance to taste my breakfast. And that'd hurt my feelings," he says in a more joking tone than a serious one._

One after another, they visit me...

_Jane stirs, and her eyes fly open, her body awake and alert in the time of an eye-blink. She's out of my bed in a swift, fluid movement. I look at her, the feelings of hurt and confusion inside me. She's looking at me in utter sorrow. I've noticed the change in her. The ageing. The look of sorrow that has grown in her eyes. Like she's someone who knows too much. Like she's someone who has become ancient before her time. I want to know what has caused it. I want to protect her, keep her safe. I want the happiness to return to her eyes, the sense of wonder and hope that she had when I first met her. She's so different now. And it hurts. She shakes her head._

"_Don't. It's not happening. Last night was a mistake. I'm not getting with you. I'm not going to be the reason that causes the sadness in your eyes. Please... Don't let me be that. Don't make it be me that kills the happy, optimistic, bright-hearted girl you are..." She's got a tear rolling down her cheek now._

"_I don't understand." she sniffles a small smile._

"_Hopefully, you never will."_

I close my eyes, to fight back the tears. How can I be happy? How can I have optimism? How, when all there is in the world is pain, misery and selfishness? I should have died, not her. The letter. I need to read the letter.

I feel the slightly yellow parchment in my fingers. I see the elegant script of the handwriting, curving and sloping my name onto the envelope. I turn it over, to open it. Oh. There is writing on the back, telling me to wait until I am alone. I guess I am not the only one, because the only one opening their letter is Mr. Winston. He frowns in confusion.

"She is thanking me for my services, and that you need to have you need to have your phone in your hand straight away," he says, as if he's in a very strange dream. I look at John, realising that he is also experiencing all of this. And judging by his reaction, he's just as shocked as the others, but he's staying calm. And I can see he's silently thinking about it all, and probably working it all out. He's quietly watching all of us. Watching me. Watching me watching him. Oh. The look in his face... he knows something.

I now know. He isn't a boy. I don't know if he ever was. Because Mom has been training him from birth. Training him to be The Legend. I cannot lie. Not to him. With a look in my eyes, I tell him I know more than I'm letting on. A small nod, hard for anyone at all to notice tells me he knows. A finger carefully slides to his watch. The look in his eyes tells me he understands. The slight smile, so, so tiny, tells me he's keeping it all quiet.

Its very quiet.

I look at Amethyst, wondering why the name change again, and how she kept it together, hiding what was going to happen from us. But... if the letter tells her, then she would have had to have known somehow beforehand, and I didn't know... None of us did.

Something is missing. A crucial element, a detail that will bind everything together.

Oh. My photo. I never looked at the back of it. I swallow hard when I see what is on the back:

_Every song ends._

I so badly need to write a note. A long one. Because I have so _much_ building up inside of me. The ringing of a cell phone makes my head jerk sharply. Amethyst is there, looking at her phone as if it is the bringer of Doomsday. Maybe it is. With a sudden motion, she slides it open, and puts it to her ear.

"What is it _now_, Bennet? What have I meant to have done _this_ time?" She sounds annoyed. She frowns in confusion.

"What? That's mental... we were all there. There were no cheerleaders missing. You should know, moosehead, because you were _there_." Her nose screws up, her lips pressed together tightly. She is getting _really_ angry now...

"They said that... Our school? Huh? They were being chased by an invisible monster? _Oh_... it could turn itself invisible. Why didn't I realise that sooner?" she says sarcastically. "They're looking in the woods for the monster now... Right... Let me get this straight... you had a group of kids having some sort of party, and they were attacked by some sort of predator creature that could make itself invisible. And they were saved by a teenager with long hair, in a yellow spandex cheerleader's outfit, and fought the monster like Superman." She's deeply sarcastic. After another pause, I can see her start to get annoyed again.

"Look, Claire, I really doubt that any superhero would be seen dead saving the world in yellow _spandex_. No, they wouldn't." She snorts. "Right, so not only can one of our squad fight invisible monsters, she can be in two places at once-" She pauses as she looks down. She picks up her copy of the photo, and looks at it. What for, though? Wait... my copy. They are all the same. What could she be-

Oh.

_Oh_...

The Catherdral. To the others, it will be just a blue Police Box, but...

Two places at once. That is possible, if you can time travel. And she did, to investigate.

"Look, I'll see you at school tomorrow." She slides the phone closed, ending the call. She picks up the package, and takes a final look inside of it. She picks up out of it a small package. There is writing on it, telling her not to open it until a certain date. Oh... it's the information on how things originally happened. I remember her mentioning it... She picks up her items, and looks at us.

"Well, thank you for the really weird night... I'll see you folks tomorrow," she says, looking at Mr. Winston. She gives him a small smile. "Thanks for doing this. Maybe we'll see you soon," she says, smiling slightly to ease the tension between us all. She looks at me, and for the first time, sees the look on my face. She seems so confused.

"What's wrong? You see so... sad," she says, shocked at what she's seeing. With her typical impulsiveness, she hugs me, a warm, friendly, caring hug. I put my arms around her, trying not to give anything away.

"I'm still pissed off with you, but that can wait... Cams, I've seen things. I've been careful about the future, because of what happens, but I've done things, made a difference. Enemies other than Terminators... I've been in the heart of disaster, saving people from creatures calling themselves Cybermen, been there when the spirit of humanity failed... that was heart breaking, seeing whole governments do that... to _children_... but all it takes is one person to make a stand. One person, in the right place and time, they _can_ make a difference." She pulls back slightly, to give me a reassuring smile. I smile back, trying hard to make it seem she has reassured me. Because as incredible as her past has been, she has very little future left. One last story.

She pulls away, and get her car open, an old bettered Mini. In faded silver lettering on the scratched and chipped black paintwork, I can make out the name "Bessie." I do not know... I think the name is better suited to an old fashioned yellow car for some reason. She turns to pack the given items onto the back seat, and turns to go into her car, just as Riley appears at the door.

"What's going on? You've been down here ages," she says sulkily. "I've been having to keep myself amused with this lame-ass book that's in your room..." Amethyst's head turns to see Riley there, and gets out of the car, and approaches again.

"Hey, I dropped off the work you need to catch up on at your foster parents. You might want to call them... they're getting worried about where you are," she tells her. Her head tilts slightly. Oh. She's looking at the book. The author... Sarah Delaney... the same as... Oh...

"_However, _this_ time-line is a better result for her. It's like she was inspired. Wrote and wrote these books. Of course, it was under a pen-name." She hands to me a book. "The big thing about them was her uncanny ability to predict future events. Like she almost knew what would happen. Adventures through time and space, a woman adventurer in this blue wooden Police Box." I look at her in realisation._

"_The Cathedral. You," I say. She nods with a small smile._

"_Imagine my shock and confusion seeing _that_ bloody thing. Freaked me out that it existed at all. Then there was guessing what could have happened." Jack smiles, and leans closer._

"_So, I have to ask: How big a shock was it when you realised it was Sarah who'd written them?" Jane just looks at him and shrugs._

"_Didn't get that far. Things were _quite_ mental at the time. And I was in a rush, so I never sat down and _read_ any of her stuff until we were here, in the Cathedral. Then I realised what had happened. Which is why I've been telling her so much. Because she is meant to help fill in the void left by the loss of so many writers. Because there is a distinct lack of creativity in this time-line."_

"Yeah... weird story, though I think it was the last one she wrote," Riley says, frowning slightly. Mr. Winston is gasping.

"The name... the cover..."

"That's what I'm thinking," Amethyst is murmuring. She stumbles to her car, and gets in.

"See you in school," she shouts as she drives off. Riley is staring after her. We all are, but she's frowning in annoyed confusion.

"What's _her_ damage?" she asks out loud. Mr Winston takes the book from her, and looks inside.

"Shit," he whispers, and with shaking hands, passes the book to me and John.

Oh. The dedication...

Oh...

_To Amethyst and Cameron: Many thanks for the wonderful time we spent together, so long ago. It has inspired me to do so much with my life, and I hope you two do the same._

_I've had a message from my Spiritualist circle, for you two, it seems: Two songs are ending, one in fire and metal, one will grow harsh with the sound of drums. The drum-beat marks the ending of the second song. The first song needs sisterly love to continue. I hope this message gets to you, and it is of use._

"That's freaky," Riley says, peering over John's shoulder.

"Certainly is," he agrees.


	19. Afterword

**Afterword**

Well, as some of you might have suspected, this story is now finished.

It wasn't part of the original plan, but given the time that has passed, not to mention the fact that so many months has passed, not to mention the fact that the whole arc is massive, I've decided to end CoW here, and break up what was meant to be in this story into more manageable chunks.

So... what lies ahead?

Well, I've been working away on the fourth story, which is provisionally titled "Switch and Bait." This covers the Battle of Serrano Point, and the events in the episode "The Mousetrap." After that... well, story five is proving hard to pin down, because I've got a lot of ground to cover, and it needs to be done quickly and effectively. A lot of the character building I've been doing is to help towards a big, ensemble story I've got lined up. In fact, I've already been dropping hints at it, particularly in the last part of this story. So much is going to happen in it... and just thinking about some of what I've got lined up is threatening to make me cry, because I find the whole thing horribly tragic...

But I'm digressing.

In the more immediate future, Story Four is well under-way, with several parts finished. I'm waiting to hear back on whether they're any good, because I've sent them to someone to have a look at.

Oh, and can I say... Whether you loved or hated my story, PLEASE comment. Feedback is wonderful. It's great to know when you're getting it right, and more importantly, when you're getting it wrong. And with the second story in this set-up, "Balance of Power", I had to re-write some parts, because I had fouled up big time. Problem is, I hadn't noticed until I had put the mess up for all to see. So, please, please, PLEASE give feedback!

To those who have, thank you. And to the reader **Sqonk**, thank you for the conversations over the past few months. You've been an excellent sounding board, and have helped to get me to focus better. I'm still having issues about how Cameron is to blame for the loss of the west side of Craggy Island, but I'm sure that it'll come to me...

As for Story Four, I thought I'd add below a sample of what's been going on... And don't forget, feedback is _**love**_!

"_The house is moving." I shouldn't have said that, but I can't think of anything else to say. It's not like I tell him all that's happened to me..._

"_What?" he seems shocked and confused. I have to better explain to him. Calm him down._

"_Moving. The east by south east section of the house is moving." I can tell from his blurred body posture that this conversation isn't going very well._

"_Really? Where is it going?" Weariness. That's weariness in his voice. That I understand. I've been feeling tired since I woke up this morning. Not physically tired, but tired of having to hide all of my feelings, of having to keep from everyone what happens to me. I'm tired of being alone. I miss being with someone. I don't like being single. Alone. _

_Ignore it, and focus on the test. And I need to explain to John better..._

"_Down. At a rate of point nine three millimetres a year." He's silent. I don't get it. Why is he silent? I have to stop this, and start concentrating on normal stuff. I think I can safely say that I am able to do things still that humans cannot. Which is good. Because in a deep, buried layer of my essence, I feel wary and scared of humans. Then again, they do have a proven record of destroying anything potentially dangerous, and then investigate the threat potential after they've done the destroying. Oh. A thought has struck me, and I find it... depressing. Yes, its depressing._

_It's in their nature to destroy themselves._

"_And what? Does that affect the security system, or sight-lines for the night scope? How does this affect the safety of one John Connor?" He seems to think I've gone mad, based on his body language. Good. I've disconnected. I'm now fully back. I turn to look at him, feeling my hair sway slightly. I staring h9im in the eye, making sure I'm still hiding my emotions._

"_It doesn't. But next summer we are going to have to repaint." _

_He just produces this annoyed look before walking past me. I watch him go past me silently._

_I think I just messed up that conversation. And I think I'm a freak for messing it up._


End file.
